The Reconnect
by DarkBard0
Summary: Alex and Marissa have some unfinished business.
1. The Reconnect 1

**Pairing **- Alex/Marissa  
**Rating** - 18/NC-17 in the later parts  
**Disclaimer** - I own nothing  
**Spoilers** - It sets off during The Heavy Lifting, in the trailer when  
Ryan gives Marissa her V-Day present. It mentions bits from season  
2 and 3.  
**Notes** - I couldn't remember what day it was so in this story V-Day  
is Saturday, and assumes Marissa has had an interview for UC  
Berkley. Also, I don't have a proofreader and I'm dyslexic so  
there will be mistakes. But do remember I'm English so some things  
will be spelt differently anyway.

**Chapter One**

**The O.C - Saturday - Valentine's Day**

Marissa's heart began to pump faster, harder, as she shot a death glare toward her boyfriend. Things had seemed fine a moment ago. Okay, well maybe not hunky dory fine, but not quite as bad as things had been lately. After all, it was Valentine's Day. And as much as Marissa denied it, she hadn't wanted to let the day slip by her completely.

**Marissa**

You're glad he's gone, aren't you?

It's not that she truly believed Ryan was glad that Johnny was dead. Ryan did have a heart; he was a damn good guy. After all, the only thing he had ever tried to do since the day they met was help her. He had tried to love her. A lot of the problems between them hadn't been his fault. He had been gracious and understanding about Johnny, but Marissa was still finding herself unable to stop lashing out at him.

**Ryan**

You know what, I'm not even gunna answer that.

The cross between hurt, anger and shock in his eyes told her that she had pushed too far. She had wanted to hurt him, and she had managed it, delivering her blow with excellent precision. The brunette schoolgirl was feeling more suffocated by the second. The cogs in her head were spinning out of control, and it was actually hurting her to have Ryan near her. He felt like a chain around her neck right now, even though she knew he had just been trying to help.

It wasn't that she hated Ryan, or blamed him, or thought he was the source of the pain inside of her. But like it or not, she was coming to certain realisations and he was a reminder of how stupid she had been. He was the reminder of the mistake she had made, and it hurt like a bitch.

**Marissa**

I think you should leave. I don't want you near me right now.

She spat haughtily before she could stop herself. Why was she being such a bitch? Why couldn't she just tell him the truth? Let him know what was going on inside her head, what was eating away at her? For that matter, why couldn't she tell anyone?

**Ryan**

Fine.

Ryan stood up abruptly, knowing he needed to take leave. He had learnt from experience there was no point in sticking around to try and reason with his girlfriend. He had tried. Tried and failed to cheer her up, to let her know that he was there for her. What more could he do? This relationship was so hard. They had never done anything but fight everything to try and be together. Sometimes even fought each other, like now. It never worked, and it always hurt. He supposed that what they said was true. That sometimes, no matter how much you loved someone, sometimes you just can't be with them. It seemed to be the case between Marissa and himself.

Marissa jumped as Ryan slammed the door on his way out, then sat in a startled silence for a minute, not being able to stop the tears that welled up then rolled down her cheeks. She had stopped thinking now, and was just lost in a force of different emotions. All pulling and shoving at her, all fighting for domination. All creating a heavy, sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. She bent forward, covering her face in her hands as she began to sob. That feeling came upon her again. That miserable, lonely feeling that hurt the most. The feeling that she knew what she wanted, but had rejected it.

Bolting upward, Marissa rushed through the trailer to the small bathroom and collapsed onto her knees before lurching forward and throwing up into the little plastic bowl. She squeezed her eyes shut, and oddly felt better at the burning sensation that puking caused. At least it was physical; she could actually feel it in her. Could do something about it. It made her feel a little more in control of herself. But the harsh feeling of misery still engulfed her, causing her to crumple into the corner of the stall and cry again.

One stray thought managed to pry itself free of the clump of feelings she was drowning in. One thought that had been on her mind for a long time. She had never had the courage to confront it, and truth be told, she didn't now. But the despair and pain overrode her sense of fear, bypassing courage for urgent need. So she went with it numbly, not knowing whether it was the right thing to do, but knowing she needed to at least try.

Fishing her cell phone out of her jeans pocket, Marissa opened it, wiping her eyes to try and see properly. She pressed the number she was looking for, and the speed dial kicked in and a name popped up on her screen. Shakily, she put the phone to her ear and listened to the ringing. She almost stopped breathing as she did, wondering if it was going to be answered. It was.

**Marissa**

Hey I…I really need you right now.

Marissa was aware her speech was shaky and barely understandable as she tried to stop herself from bursting out into tears again. But as soon as she heard the voice on the other end say her name, she couldn't stop the floodgates from opening again. Instead, she listened to what was being said, nodding as though she could be seen.

**Marissa**

Yeah…okay. Bye.

Marissa flipped her phone shut. She had done it. For a moment, she felt herself calm down. Her tears stopped, and so did the heavy feeling in the pit of her stomach. She was coming. She was coming to Newport, for her. Then Marissa felt new pangs in her stomach. Shame, guilt, anxiety...it was too much. She couldn't deal with it all. Not the emotions from before, and not the ones that popped up and added to them. She didn't know how to deal.

Pulling herself up, the girl brushed her teeth and washed her face quickly. With new determination, she stopped crying and strode out of the bathroom and into the kitchen. Leaning down under the sink, her hand clasped what it was searching for. The only way she knew how to make everything stop. Vodka. It had been her cure in the not so distant past, and it would be now. Just enough to stop the emotions. But she knew her Mother would be back from the party soon, so Marissa grabbed a bag and shoved the bottle into it. She needed to get out of here.


	2. The Reconnect 2

Chapter Two

**30 minutes later - At the beach**

After leaving the trailer, Marissa had come up short on her plan of where to go. It's not like she had many places to go right now. She had just burnt her bridge with Ryan, even though she knew she wouldn't have gone to him anywhere. The thought of going to see Summer briefly wondered through her mind. Before remembering it was Valentine's Day. Summer would be doing something with Seth, and Marissa knew for a fact that her best friend had intended on going to the party, which she was probably still going. Marissa scratched out going to see Summer. She didn't want to burden her friend. Besides, the lanky brunette also knew that Summer would refuse to let her drown her sorrows away.

It's not like she had any other friends she could just turn up and talk to. Summer, Ryan and Seth were the only people she really hung around. That had been besides Johnny of course, and now he was even gone. And her sister had just left. Kaitlin had grown up so much, Marissa couldn't help thinking. Maybe even too much. She would be out on the road now, and there was no way Marissa was going to spoil it for her and make her turn around. So, she decided to head down to her thinking spot. Her lifeguard tower.  
Walking toward the tower, Marissa realised someone was burning a fire, not too far from the rocks. Frowning, she decided to walk the short distance across the beach and investigate. After a moment, she realised that it was Chilly sat there; staring into the fire he had built. Marissa continued on until she was stood before him, giving him a weak smile as he looked up.

**Marissa **

Hey.

She greeted him softly, eyeing the beer bottle in his hand. She tilted her eyes as he looked up at her, his pained eyes glazed and unfocused. However, he did manage to lift up his beer bottle and salute her with it. Instantly, she felt a connection to the fair-haired boy. He understood what this felt like. Right now, he was the only one that could possibly know how hard this was, and what weird thoughts were shooting through her head.

**Chilly**

Hey!

Chilly slurred, taking the last gulp out of his beer bottle. He couldn't help but how gorgeous Marissa looked with the firelight shining upon her. Although, he had always thought that Marissa Cooper was beautiful. And, well...kinda deadly. Yes, he liked her all good and well but he knew there was something about Marissa that was far too dark for him. Far too messed up and intense, something that he and most other people couldn't handle. He knew it wasn't her fault; she didn't want to be like that. But she was. And Chilly was quite happy to admit he wasn't the man for her, that she was too far beyond him to do anything else but be friends and for him to admire from afar.

**Marissa**

What're you doing?

Marissa asked needlessly, wondering why Chilly was looking at her like that. She didn't really care, because Chilly often looked at her like that. He was weird, but that's why she liked him. He was such an oddball, and had the courage to stay that way despite how everybody dissed him.

**Chilly **

Getting wasted.

Chilly droned, tossing his empty bottle on the sand and reach for another in his pack. He dragged his attention off of Marissa and onto the bottle, looking at it intently as he tried to uncap it.

**Marissa **

I had the same idea.

After finally getting into his beer, Chilly looked up to see Marissa holding up a vodka bottle she had retrieved from her bag. He was both shocked, and not shocked to see her with it. He had always seen Marissa sober, level headed most of the time. She had never been this royally messed up chick in front of him, but he knew it was there. She had always managed to keep it just hidden enough when she had been around him and Johnny, obviously trying hard to keep it under control. Know he realised that control must have slipped, which didn't surprise him.

**Chilly**

Whoa, that's some heavy liquor.

Chilly pointed out, half as a warning, half impressed. She was clearly better at this angsty drowning your sorrows thing than he was. He just watched as she shrugged, her beautiful fire lit face showing a lack of emotion that was frightening. It was the most indifferent and numb that Chilly had ever seen on anyone.

**Marissa**

Yeah, well, I'm a heavy drinker. So, want some company?

She looked at him hopefully, feeling the strange and sudden need to not be alone.

**Chilly**

Well you know what they say about misery. Pull up some sand.

Marissa smiled gratefully, and moved a little closer to him before taking her place on the sand. After getting herself comfortable, Marissa unscrewed the lid of the vodka bottle, lifted it up and took a couple of large gulps. She was aware that Chilly was watching her. Probably watching for the sign of discomfort the liquid would make as it burnt down her insides. She made none.

**Chilly**

Jesus, you are a heavy drinker.

Chilly pointed out, now finding himself surprised at actually seeing this happen before him. He cast no judgement however; after all, they were both here doing the same thing for the same reason. Marissa just shrugged, again, indifferently.

**Marissa**

I've had some practice in the area, yeah.

Marissa replied vaguely, staring intently into the fire. She felt no need to respond further, wanting not to bring up her previous drinking exploits.

**Chilly**

Whatever helps the pain you know?

Chilly replied numbly. He was pretty good at reading people sometimes. He learnt their moods pretty quickly. The fastest thing he had learnt about Marissa Cooper was when not to push her. Clearly, she didn't want to talk about it, so he wasn't going to try and force it out of her.

**Marissa**

Yeah, I know.

After a moment of silence, Chilly began thinking about his best friend. How was it that suddenly, he wasn't around anymore? How was he supposed to adjust to that? No one that close had ever died in his life before, and no one was telling him how to deal with the pain inside. But he was glad that he didn't seem to be the only one searching for answers. What he saw in Marissa's eyes was a reflection of what had been in his own.

Chilly

You and me Marissa, we're the only ones who understand what this feels like.

Marissa sniggered, thinking about what had happened with Ryan. Not just today, but since Johnny had come into their lives. Even though he had tried to be good about it, tried to befriend Johnny, Marissa knew that he could never feel or understand what was going through her right now.

**Marissa**

I think you might be right about that.

She muttered, taking another drink from her bottle. In the back of her mind, she knew this was a mistake. Sitting out here, next to a fire, drinking, was all a mistake. She was coming back here, but Marissa couldn't stop herself. Maybe she just should never have called her? Especially tonight, on Valentine's Day. The conflicting thoughts and emotions inside of her were the things she was trying to drown out. Just enough so she could think clearly to herself. So she could have some sort of plan. Some sort of handle on what she truly felt. That's all she needed.

**Chilly**

We're going through some serious emotional pain. Which may make us react in physical ways to reduce it.

Marissa turned to him, a raised eyebrow and a flat, deadpan look across her face.

**Marissa**

I'm not making out with you Chilly.

Chilly looked at her sadly, taking a swig of his beer before shaking his head slowly. His eyes suddenly focused on the sand by his feet as he pushed it around the most interesting thing on earth.

**Chilly**

Actually it's not Chilly anymore. I'm going back to Dennis. Johnny never like it anyway.

After a moment, he dragged his eyes back up to Marissa, seeing her still looking at him with a saddened expression. Like saying Johnny's name had been a smack in the mouth for both of them. She just nodded, after a moment, before turning to look at the fire again and taking another swig.

**Dennis**

I hate feeling like this.

**Marissa**

Me too.

**Dennis**

You look…broken. You can talk to me you know.

Marissa just looked into the fire sombrely, letting it dance into her eyes. She thought for a few moments, sedate enough with her vodka to actually try to tell Chilly...Dennis, at least a little of what was going on inside of her. He was the least obvious choice, and she knew that he would never be able to understand the whole of it, of her, but some of it she knew he could. So, she took a large breath.

**Marissa**

Have you ever felt so lost, that you feel like you're drowning? Like, you're actually physically drowning?

**Dennis**

Yeah.

**Marissa**

That's how I feel now. I fell like the waters surface is a thousand miles above me, and no one can reach me to pull me out.

**Dennis**

Because of Johnny?

Marissa hesitated for a second, wondering if she should answer him honestly. After all, he was Johnny's best friend and she didn't want to upset him. She decided however, just to tell him the truth. So she shook her head slowly.

**Marissa**

No. No this was happening before Johnny. But him dying has made me sink deeper.

**Dennis**

What about your friends? Ryan even?

She scoffed at his suggestion.

**Marissa**

Ryan doesn't know how to get to me. He never really did.

The brunette sighed, thinking back on her relationship with Ryan. He had tried, she gave him that. But after all was said and done, he couldn't. They were on two completely different pages. She was too much for Ryan to handle, and they both knew it. She was a force of nature, and well, Ryan was at the end of the day, too simple for her.

**Dennis**

Does he know you're out here drinking?

Marissa shrugged coldly.

**Marissa**

I don't care what he knows.

Dennis just drank his own beer silently, as she drank her vodka. The only sound to penetrate the silence between them were the waves rhythmically washing up the sand. As the moments slipped by them, Dennis thought about his life since Marissa entered it. Thought about how Johnny had changed since she had. It made him wonder. All the crap that had happened, all the running around, the moping, the misunderstandings, it made him want to know at least just one thing.

**Dennis**

Marissa?

**Marissa**

Yeah?

**Dennis**

Did you love Johnny? I mean, like he loved you?

Marissa looked at him seriously, locking eyes intently before giving the smallest shake of her head.

**Marissa**

No.

Dennis sagged as he heard her soft reply, feeling a little badly for his dead friend.

**Marissa**

But I wanted to.

Dennis frowned, looking properly at her again, seeing that the seriousness had not left her troubled features.

**Dennis**

You wanted to?

**Marissa**

He reminded me so much of someone I love. Someone who could reach me, who could always reach me but I didn't realise it until it was over. And I wanted that again, so badly. But something stopped me from going there.

Marissa had never really been able to figure that out, until now. A part of her felt a little bit lighter, but as that happened, another pang of guilt settled into her stomach again. Guilt for what she had done, and for not being able to realise it much sooner than now.

**Dennis**

What was it?

**Marissa**

I didn't want to use him. Johnny was so special, and he was a really good friend. If I had fallen for him it wouldn't have been him, you know? I didn't want to hurt him like that.

Dennis nodded slowly.

**Dennis**

I get why he loved you.

Marissa smiled at the compliment.

**Marissa **

I'm still not making out with you, Dennis!

Her smile got a little wider as Dennis chuckled, before a comfortable silence drifted over them as they drank some more. It felt nice, just to be sitting with someone. Someone that she felt got her at least a little bit. The difference with Dennis and Ryan right now, is that Ryan didn't get her at all. But at least Dennis could get this part of her. He could access this part of her pain.

**Dennis**

So are you and Ryan over?

Dennis broke the silence, softly; wanting to explore a little more what was going on with Marissa. He was just interested, as a friend. Maybe he could help in some way. Even if it just meant getting her to say things she wanted to but couldn't say them to the actual people.

**Marissa**

I'd say so, yeah. It never really worked. Not like that. We should just be friends.

**Dennis**

Could you just be his friend though? Or could he be yours?

Marissa just shrugged.

**Marissa**

I don't know. We tried it before, it didn't work, we got back together. But now? This is really the end. Maybe with no more road to go down we could focus on being just friends.

**Dennis**

You should try.

**Marissa**

Yeah.

**Dennis**

So this other guy, the one that gets you. Is it me?

He smiled sweetly as Marissa laughed at him. It felt good to see her genuinely laugh, even for just a moment. She just shook her head as he looked at him.

**Marissa**

No!

**Dennis**

Are you sure?

**Marissa**

Yeah. I'm pretty sure you're not a girl.

He looked at her for a second, his jaw dropping a little bit. She watched him, amused, not saying anything as the realisation set in. Then, he pointed at her.

**Dennis**

You…you went out with a girl?

**Marissa**

Yep.

**Dennis**

Oh my god that is so hot!

Marissa laughed again, almost seeing the images flash through his mind.

**Marissa**

Shut up! You're such a pervert.

Dennis shrugged with a sparkle in his eyes. It was nice to see that again.

**Dennis**

I'm a teenage boy, I can't help it. So this girl, you think she can reach you?

Marissa smiled. She looked across the sand, remembering what happened out here last year.

_Tide just turned_

That's when things had really changed. That was when Marissa realised what she had been searching for. The answer to many of her questions. It had been the only time when everything had just stopped. When Alex had kissed her, she remembered being surrounded by a blanket of peace. The noise stopped, the pain stopped, everything apart from Alex had vanished. And she had been the only person to ever do that to her. In the weeks before getting together, and then the time after during their relationship, Marissa had realised that Alex had only ever been there for her. She had supported her, put up with her constant moods, the come here go away head-trips she gave her.

**Marissa**

Yeah, she can. I just hope she still wants to. I hurt her pretty badly.

**Dennis**

Of course she'll still want to, you're Marissa Cooper! Anyone would want to.

She looks at him, tilting her head with a soft but warning look.

**Marissa**

Dennis…

**Dennis**

I'm serious. You're that girl Marissa. The one that people will fight for. She'll want you back even if you hurt her. You just need to prove yourself to her.

Dennis urged enthusiastically. Marissa just sighed flatly.

**Marissa**

How do I do that?

He shrugged, coming up empty. This was her battle that she had to fight. If she ever wanted her girlfriend back, she would have to come clean to herself about some things. She was the only one that could do that, she knew herself better than anybody, even if she didn't think she did.

**Dennis**

I have no idea.

**Marissa**

Some help you are!

He chuckled at her mock-offended accusation as she smiled grumpily at him. Still, her eyes looked so lost it was breaking his heart. All he wanted her to do was feel better.

**Dennis**

Hey, I'm doing pretty well under the circumstances. You're asking a horny, teenage boy how to win your girl back when he's drinking? I'm surprised I can even function enough to tell you that rather than slipping into happy land!

Marissa laughed, pleasing her friend greatly.

**Marissa**

Okay fine, you're right. Eww, you're not having weird, inappropriate sexual thoughts about me and another girl are you?

**Dennis**

Oh Marissa, I've been having weird, inappropriate sexual thoughts about you since we met. What harm is it adding a girl in at this point?

Marissa looked at him for a moment, thinking about it. She came up empty, then shrugged lightly before turning back to look into the fire again. There really wasn't much conversation after that. Dennis kept drinking, muttering something every now and again before lying down on the sand and falling asleep. Marissa looked at him every once in a while; just to make sure he hadn't stopped breathing from puking up on his back or anything. But mostly, she stared into the fire, thinking about one girl. Alex Kelly. The girl that she had let slip through her fingers.

Why hadn't she noticed that Alex had been what she was looking for when she had been here? Why had she let herself run scared, going back to Ryan at the drop of a hat? Because she was scared, of what? Alex wasn't scary. She was Alex. But after so much time, could she do anything about it? After hurting her so badly?


	3. The Reconnect 3

**Chapter Three**

Marissa just went around in circles, chasing answers in her head as she continued to drink. She didn't realise it, but two hours floated by quickly as she got drunker and drunker. Her partner in crime was still fast asleep, and she didn't hold onto any hope that he would come to life anytime soon. Dennis was out for the count, leaving her alone. Or so she thought.

Due to the amount of alcohol she had drank, Marissa couldn't quite make out the figure walking up towards them. She blinked hard, trying to force her eyes to focus, but it was only as the tall figure got nearer and nearer that she made out who it was.

**Marissa**

What the hell are you doing here?

She spat, scowling at him immediately. It was supposed to be an intimidating scowl, but instead she only looked drunk and cute. Like a baby lion trying to pull of a roar, but only managing a meow. The look only made Kevin Volchok grin lopsidedly, shrugging at her question as he looked around the beach before looking back at her.

**Volchok**

It's a free beach Princess.

**Marissa**

Yeah, well, it's a private party. Get lost.

Marissa stated stropily, having no reservation in ordering him to be gone. She looked away from him pointedly, then took another drink from her bottle. Having looked away, she didn't see the mischievous look sparkling in Volchok's eyes. Didn't see him looking her over, licking his lips with desire as he did. All she noticed was him sitting next to her.

**Marissa**

What're you doing?

**Volchok**

Look, I didn't come here to make trouble, okay?

**Marissa**

Then what did you come here for?

**Volchok**

Same thing as you.

She watches him pull out a flask and take a drink, a soft frown covering her forehead. Volchok surely wasn't here for the same reason she and Dennis were here, was he? He had hated Johnny, it's not like he was going to miss him. But then again, they had been friends before. And however much Volchok would deny it; he had hinted that he missed that. So maybe, just maybe, he was hurting too.

Marissa looked away, deciding to give him the benefit of the doubt. She wondered if this was perhaps the best idea, and wondered also if she was only doing it because she was drunk.

Volchok just watched Marissa, saying nothing as he observed her drinking and staring into the fire. Then, he let his eyes drift over to Dennis, who was still crashed out on the sand. Volchok guessed he wasn't waking up anytime soon, giving him plenty of opportunity to do to Marissa what he had been thinking about since he clapped eyes on her. Now was the perfect time to strike. She was messed up, now more than ever, drunk and vulnerable. He knew that on most days, he wouldn't have a shot with the hottie. But right now, her judgement was impaired. So he leant forward, reaching to push some of her hair back gently. She started, pulling away from him quickly before looking at him shocked and appalled.

**Marissa**

What the hell?

**Volchok**

You are so hot.

Marissa looked at him with contempt.

**Marissa**

Barking up the wrong tree. Don't touch me again.

**Volchok**

Spitfire huh? Got a lot going on in that pretty little head of yours.

He pointed at her head, making her move backwards again.

**Marissa**

Shut up, you don't know anything about me.

She barked defensively, not wanting Volchok to analyse her. Not him, of all people. She didn't like him, he creeped her out.

**Volchok**

I don't have to. I can see it in your eyes. They're cold. Dead almost. You hurt.

**Marissa**

It has nothing to do with you Volchok.

**Volchok**

No, but I can take the pain away.

Marissa glared at him furiously.

**Marissa**

I am not having sex with you.

She wanted to smack him in the face as he laughed smugly.

**Volchok**

Who said anything about sex?

He pulls out a little tin, opening it up for her to show her the content inside. Coke.

**Volchok**

Trust me, it takes all the pain away.

Marissa's body went rigid, but tingled at the same time. The rigid ness came out of her fear, everything she had heard about drugs. Everything she knew could happen if she took some of that. But she tingled at the prospect of having all the pain taken away. Wanted to know how that would feel, just to be free of everything that was pulling her down into the water.

**Marissa**

You don't feel anything?

**Volchok**

Nope. It's like you float above it all. Wanna try?

She shook her head slowly, but still looking at the powder on offer.

**Marissa**

No…it's…it's dangerous.

**Volchok**

As dangerous as drinking a bottle of neat vodka to yourself?

Marissa looked at her bottle, seeing that there was just above a quarter left. She considered his question. She guessed that he was right, drinking so much vodka was probably just as bad as snorting a little coke. She was self destructing anyway, and the vodka wasn't doing its job. She still felt something. So maybe the coke could finish the job for her?

**Marissa**

Isn't it addictive?

Volchok only shrugged, eyeing her menacingly.

**Volchok**

Its totally overrated baby.

**Marissa**

Okay.

He raised his eyebrow in surprise at her response.

**Volchok**

Yeah?

**Marissa**

I can't stand the pain anymore.

Volchok edged nearer to her, offering out the coke. Never in a million years did he think he could get Miss Barbie Newport to snort some coke. Although, she was fucked up enough to do just that. All the better for him. He just looked at her, as she looked at him wearily, before leaning forward and snorting the powder. Immediately, she backed up, coughing and rubbing her nose, sitting back quickly as she screwed her eyes shut tightly.

**Marissa**

Oh my god.

**Volchok**

Just relax…

Advancing over to her, Volchok reached behind her head and pulled her forward into a harsh kiss. He felt her squirming against him, struggling to get away. He was too strong for her, but after a moment he let her go and she flung herself back.

**Marissa**

Stop it. Get away from me.

**Volchok**

Come on baby, you know you want it.

Again, he lurched forward and pulled her into another kiss and pushing her down onto the sand. He was going to have Marissa Cooper, if she liked it or not. No one turned him down, and when he wanted someone he always got to have them. Besides, he could teach the prissy little bitch a thing or two whilst he was at it.

Marissa struggled against him pointlessly. He was taller and bigger, she was light and drunk. What had she been thinking, taking drugs from him? Her head felt like it was exploding, as her body began to shoot pains through her. And her stomach felt as though it was about to explode inside of her. What the hell was she supposed to do now? Flashes of that night on the beach with Trey hit her hard, and she wondered if she was about to suffer now what she didn't suffer then.

That was until she felt Volchok lift off of her. Or rather, he was dragged off of her. By two mystery hands that grabbed the back of his jacket and forcefully threw him down the sand, away from Marissa.

**Alex**

Get the fuck away from her Volchok.

After landing ungracefully on the sand, Volchok looked up angrily. His eyes widened as he saw someone he never expected to clap eyes on again.

**Volchok**

Alex?

Alex shot a dangerous look at Volchok, an almost predatory look. It sent shivers down his spine, because he had seen this girl fight before. He had experienced being on the wrong end of her wrath. She may have been a girl, and much smaller than he was, but damn she was strong and she knew just where to land her punches.

Marissa rolled onto her front, coughing into the sand as she tried to get her bearings. Her stomach was burning, as her blood boiled and everything moved. She had begun to sweat; her bones flushed with weakness that made her feel seasick. As she tried to push herself up, she failed miserable and ended up back in the sand.

**Marissa**

Alex...

She managed to slur out, still trying to push herself up. Immediately, Alex responded to Marissa's cry for help, trying to stop Marissa from forcing herself up.

**Alex**

Don't get up, it's okay. It's okay.

Marissa falls back down again, but starts to sit up. Alex helps her, realising that the brunette isn't going to be very compliant. Her heart sinks as she sees the state of her ex girlfriend.

**Marissa**

I'm so sorry...

**Alex**

Shhh, it's okay. Everything is going to be fine.

Alex shot a look back at Volchok as he picked himself up off of the sand.

**Alex**

What did you give her?

He smirked and shrugged arrogantly.

**Volchok**

I can't seem to remember.

Standing up, Alex moved in and pushed him, hard. He staggered back, glaring at her.

**Alex**

Tell me what you gave her.

**Volchok**

Or you'll do what?

**Alex**

We had this showdown Volchok. Care to remember who won?

Volchok looked at her, weighing up his options. He had faced Alex before, and she was right, she had won. Not that he would admit that to anyone. If his friends knew a girl kicked his ass, life wouldn't be worth living. But he knew Alex was a little force of nature, and he did not need that coming after him. He also realised that she was even angrier, because of Marissa. He hadn't known that they were friends, but surely finding him here after giving Marissa coke didn't add to Alex's good mood. He was sure to loose this one if he tried.

**Volchok**

Whatever. You deal with the little bitch.

Alex flew forward before he got chance to retreat, and landed two forceful punches to his face before he doubled over, hands covering his face as he staggered back. He wanted to hit her back, wanted to show her that she couldn't just do that to him, but thought better of it. Instead he backed away, feeling at his face. He knew he'd have a nice shiner over his eye, and felt that she had split the bottom of his lip.

**Marissa**

Alex...

Quickly, Alex turned around and rushed back to Marissa's side. She sat in front of her ex, grabbing her arm to steady her as she began to sway. With her free hand, Alex grabbed Marissa's face as her eyes began to flutter.

**Alex**

What did you take Marissa?

**Marissa**

I...I dunno...white powder...

Marissa began to fall backwards, but Alex leant forward and grabbed her. She changed position, sitting to the side of Marissa so that she could let her lean against her for support. She still kept a tight grip on Marissa's face though, seeing that she was trying to fall asleep. Alex shook her a little bit, tapping her fingers on soft skin.

**Alex**

No, no, no. Marissa, stay awake okay? I need you to stay awake. Focus on me. Can you do that?

**Marissa**

Yeah...

Frantically, the blonde looked around the beach. No one was out there. She cast her eyes over the guy that was passed out, not being able to see his face properly. She couldn't help but wonder what was going on. Why Marissa was out here like this, and why she had called her out of the blue.

Pushing the questions aside, Alex dug into the brunette's jeans pocket and pulled out her phone. Scrolling down the contacts, she found Summer's name and rang her, her breathing quickened due to the panic and nervousness she was feeling.

**Summer**

Hey Coop, what's up?

**Alex**

Erm...Summer? It's not Marissa. It's...

**Summer**

Who? Hello? Who is this?

Alex cleared her throat to shake her nerves.

**Alex**

Alex. It's Alex.

**Summer**

Oh. Hey Alex.

Alex falters, surprised at how natural Summer sounded. Almost like they chat everyday on the phone, as though they've been friends for years. Why wasn't Summer more surprised to hear her best friends ex girlfriend calling her?

**Alex**

Hey Summer. Listen, I'm at the beach with Marissa and her friend. I need some help.

Alex looked at Marissa again, noticing her eyes closing sleepily. She begins to shake her again.

**Alex**

No, Marissa, wake up. Don't you dare pass out on me.

**Summer**

Oh my god, what's happening? Is she okay?

**Alex**

No, she's really not. She's been drinking.

**Summer**

Oh god. I knew she wasn't okay. What do you need me to do?

**Alex**

I'm gunna need your help getting them off the beach and home.

**Summer**

No problem, I'm on my way. Where on the beach?

Alex looks around.

**Alex**

Erm...not far from her tower, near the rocks. And Summer? Don't tell Seth.

**Summer**

Why not?

**Alex**

Because if you tell Seth, he'll tell Ryan. And it's probably not a good thing if he knows about this or me being here.

**Summer**

Gotcha, radio silence in effect. I'll be there soon Alex.


	4. The Reconnect 4

**Chapter Four**

Alex nodded, flipping Marissa's phone shut. It was odd being back here again. Especially now. She couldn't help but point out to herself the irony about having Marissa in her arms on the beach on Valentine's Day. It was this time last year, again on the beach, that they had kissed for the first time. It had been one of the best moments of Alex's life. She remembered all the feelings that had swept through her that night. Her exhilaration at having the girl she liked to much return her affection. Marissa had been so different to anyone else she had ever dated, or slept with. Never in a million years had she expected something to happen between them. But, it had.

**Alex**

You still with me?

**Marissa**

Yeah. Alex...I...

Alex smiled lovingly at the incoherent girl looking up at her. With her sleeve, she wiped away Marissa's tears gently, and also some remaining sick around her mouth. She didn't really care about the sick; she just wanted to take care of Marissa. This was the first time she had set eyes on her since that night. The night of the bonfire, when she had realised she needed to leave and let the girl she had fallen for be happy.

Alex couldn't help but notice how much older Marissa looked. Not just physically, but emotionally too. The brunette looked taller, more defined. She was a little skinnier, but more rounder in certain other places. Her face was even more beautiful than Alex remembered, and she couldn't help but think that all the changes through growing up suited Marissa perfectly. However, the age in her eyes was overwhelming.

**Alex**

So who's your friend?

**Marissa**

Dennis. He passed out a while ago.

Alex frowns, getting the feeling she knew whom the guy was. But she had known a couple of Dennis' in her time, and she still couldn't see his face properly. All she was concerned about right now, was making sure he was alive and how much he had partied with Marissa.

**Alex**

Did he take anything?

Marissa shook her head, looking up at Alex like a kid that had just been caught breaking something.

**Marissa**

No. I...I don't know why I did. I just wanted...I wanted everything to stop.

Alex tilted her head, looking down at the brunette with soft eyes. She couldn't help but stroke some hair out of Marissa's face gently.

**Alex**

I know. I know it's okay.

**Marissa**

Please don't leave me.

**Alex**

I'm not going anywhere.

There was that peace again. That feeling that pushed all other feelings aside. Marissa smiled, just letting her eyes roam over Alex's face. She had changed a little bit, looked a little older, a little more mature. She was beautiful. Mesmerising, Marissa couldn't help but think. But something had changed inside those powerful, intense eyes of her. Something that startled her a little bit. It had been there before, but had grown. Marissa gulped, wondering if the explanation of the pain in Alex's eyes getting bigger was her.

**Marissa**

You are so beautiful.

Alex sighed, her feelings beginning to tug her both ways. She desperately wanted to accept that from Marissa. She wanted to believe that she really meant it, but she was drunk and high. Instead, Alex gazed at the vodka bottle, frowning as she started to think about what could possibly have pushed Marissa this far to the edge after her leaving. She supposed that she didn't have a right to ask. They weren't together anymore, she had walked away from Marissa and Marissa had let her go, clearly making her choice. But she was going to ask anyway, she needed to know. She deserved to know, Marissa had been the one to call her begging to see her. She deserved to know why she had found her like this.

**Alex**

What happened Marissa?

Marissa scoffed bitterly at the blonde's question.

**Marissa**

Do you have a few days?

**Alex**

How about you start with what happened tonight?

Marissa looked away from those piercing blue/green eyes, back toward the fire.

**Marissa**

Things just...they exploded. Johnny died and...

As Marissa began to trail off, Alex drew her head back in surprise and almost horror.

**Alex**

Wait. Johnny died? Johnny Harper?

Marissa frowned, looking back up at Alex as she saw the shock and sadness run through her eyes.

**Marissa**

Yeah.

**Alex**

Oh my god.

**Marissa**

You knew Johnny?

**Alex**

Yeah. We used to surf together. Is that his buddy Dennis?

Now Alex realised whom the passed out guy was. He had changed since she last saw him. Growth spurt much? He was a nice guy, if not a little eccentric and goofy. But that was part of his charm. He had always been nice to her, like Johnny had been.

**Marissa**

Yeah.

**Alex**

What happened?

**Marissa**

He fell off the rocks. It was...it was awful.

**Alex**

How did you know Johnny?

**Marissa**

Well, that's part of the long story. I went to Newport Union for a while after I got kicked out of Harbour.

Alex bugged out her eyes, but couldn't resist a little smirk crawling across her lips as she gazed down at Marissa. Getting kicked out of Harbour was serious, of course. But it made Alex smirk to think of Marissa doing something so badass that she got thrown out of school. As much as the girl had always bitched about going, and often ditched, she just couldn't believe she'd go so far as to get kicked out.

**Alex**

Wow, you got kicked out? Must've done something pretty drastic.

Marissa looked at her seriously, but almost didn't get the words out as she felt a wave of sleepiness begin to hit her.

**Marissa**

I shot someone. A guy who tried to rape me...

At that she got Alex's serious attention, as she became angry. Her eyes lit instantly with protectiveness, and a hardness that looked to Marissa as dangerous. Alex didn't scare her, by a long shot. She never had. She knew all about her anger outbursts. Alex had told her about fights at school, the same ones that had finally got her expelled from every school she had gone to. She knew that she had even pushed Ryan about. But Alex had never turned that look she got on her. She was never afraid that she would, either.

**Alex**

What? Someone tried to rape you? Marissa.

Alex took hold of Marissa's face again, shaking her a little to try and get her to wake up.

**Alex**

Marissa, come on honey wake up. Damnit.

Alex sighed; irritated she had let Marissa fall asleep. She guessed it was bound to happen, but she had been hoping to keep her awake for longer. She needed to get her home, and despite the fact she was strong, she wasn't strong enough to carry Marissa up the beach and to the jeep. Marissa was just as tall as her, if not a couple of inches taller. And sure she was skinny, but Alex knew Marissa was still too heavy for her to manage.

**Summer**

Alex!

Alex looked up at Summer's shriek, seeing her running down from the top of the beach. She just held onto Marissa quietly, waiting for Summer to reach them. For the second time tonight, she found herself wondering what was about to happen. Summer and she had never spent any time together, not really. They had hung out a couple of times, but it had been awkward for the girls because of Seth.

**Summer**

Oh my god, is she..?

Summer reached them finally, turning white as she saw Marissa drooped over Alex's knee. She dropped to her knees, reaching over to stroke Marissa's forehead lovingly.

**Alex**

She just passed out. She erm...she didn't just get drunk Summer. Volchok was here, he gave her coke.

With tears in her eyes, Summer looked up directly at Alex.

**Summer**

Please tell me you mean the drink?

**Alex**

No, I don't.

Alex watched as Summer let her tears roll down her face, before turning back to look down at Marissa, still stroking her face.

**Summer**

I should have known. I should have seen it coming.

**Alex**

It's not your fault. She said...she said something about a guy trying to rape her? Is that true?

There was a certain desperate squeak to Alex's voice, the one that was hoping that it wasn't true. But from Summer's look, Alex immediately guessed that it was.

**Summer**

After you left, Ryan's brother Trey turned up. She tried to help him, and he tried to rape her. He hurt her pretty badly, but he didn't...you know, manage.

**Alex**

Thank god.

**Summer**

Yeah. And when she finally told me, I told Seth and he told Ryan. There was a huge fight, Trey had a gun. Marissa picked it up and shot him. He was strangling Ryan, he was gunna kill him. She hasn't been the same since.

**Alex**

I wish she would have called me sooner. I would have been there for her.

Summer shrugged, watching Alex lean down and plant a kiss on Marissa's forehead softly. She noticed that Alex was shaking, and tears had welled up in her eyes. She wasn't stupid; she could tell she was still in love with her best friend. Summer had regretted not trying harder to make friends with the blonde. She regretted not speaking up when Marissa cried on her shoulder when she told her Alex had left. She regretted a lot of things, especially now when she saw the brunette like this. And Alex.

**Summer**

She was scared Alex.

**Alex**

Why?

**Summer**

Because she loves you. She's always loved you.

Alex shook her head, frowning at Summer's soft words. She couldn't believe that.

**Alex**

She never loved me. She loved Ryan, that's why I left.

**Summer**

Trust me, she loves you.

**Alex**

Then why didn't she say anything? Why didn't she stop me?

She yelled, getting a little angry.

**Summer**

That's something you'll have to ask her. All I know, is that the day you left she broke. She was spiralling out of control before Trey, before Johnny.

Summer paused, looking at Alex sadly before looking back down at Marissa. Part of her wanted to smack herself for letting Marissa go on this long denying her feelings, and the other part just wanted to smack Marissa for letting herself do it too. Or even maybe Alex, for being so damn courteous and stepping aside. Sure, it was the humblest thing to do, romantic even. Alex loved her that much she let her go. But wasn't she supposed to be a badass? Wasn't she supposed to fight? They were all stupid, but it had happened.

Summer realised though, that whilst she had Alex here in front of her, she was going to give her her two cents. She was, after all, Marissa's best friend. And someone needed to set the two of them on the right path if they couldn't do it themselves.

**Summer**

Maybe it's just not as easy for others to accept their sexual orientation as it was for you.

Alex looked up at her quickly, startled by the comment.

**Alex**

You think it was easy for me to accept?

**Summer**

Wasn't it?

Summer just assumed that the previously self-assured bartender/manager had just been fine with her sexual preferences. She had always just seemed to ooze confidence, never letting it become a huge issue. She was just who she was, everyone be damned. Alex had never tried to hide it, and had never pushed it in anyone's face either. So automatically, she just assumed Alex had taken it well.

**Alex**

No, I went through hell.

**Summer**

Then go easy on her. Let her tell you. And don't doubt her when she tells you she loves you.

The two looked at each other for a moment, as Marissa began to cough. She woke herself up doing so, opening her eyes to see Summer looming over her. Actually, there were two Summers', and two Alex's. The night sky behind them was tilting back and fro, making her feel seasick again.

**Marissa**

Sum?

**Summer**

Hey Coop, I'm here sweetie. We're gunna take care of you, okay?

Marissa nods again, crying a little as Summer kissed her on the forehead and stroked her face.

**Alex**

Okay, let's get them home. Can you wake up Dennis?

The dark brunette frowned, looking at Alex as though she wasn't sane.

**Summer**

Who?

**Marissa**

Chilly. His name is Dennis.

Marissa pointed behind Summer, who turned to see the still passed out Dennis.

**Summer**

Oh, the perverted dweeb. Ya, sure.

Getting to her feet, she moved over and shook the boy roughly until he shot up quickly. She leapt back, holding her hands up in surrender quickly.

**Dennis**

What happened?

**Summer**

You passed out dumbass. It's time to go home.

He looked towards Marissa, blinking to try and clear the blur out of his eyes.

**Dennis**

Is Marissa okay?

**Summer**

She will be. Alex is taking care of her.

Eventually, he recognised the blonde that was trying to help Marissa stand up. He smiled warmly, waving.

**Dennis**

Hey Alex. Thought you split town?

**Alex**

I did. But I got a call.

The conversation he had been having with Marissa shot through his head, and he picked out some of the words she said to him. Things to do with a girl, and how she had been the only one to reach her. How she had hurt her. And from what he saw, the affinity between the two, he supposed that girl was Alex and pointed at her quickly.

**Dennis**

Oh my god...you're the girl!

**Alex**

What?

**Dennis**

You're the girl that can reach Marissa. She didn't mean to hurt you.

Summer flailed a hand happily.

**Summer**

See?

**Alex**

He's drunk. Get up Dennis.

Alex grumbled, then paying attention to getting Marissa up onto her feet. She saw Summer doing the same with Dennis, who stood up and wrapped his arm around Summer's shoulders for support.

**Alex**

Nice and slow, okay?

Alex helped heft Marissa off the ground, and quickly pulled the wobberly girls arm around her shoulder, and held an arm around her waist. She had seen Marissa drunk, a fair few times. But they were nothing compared to this. It scared her. Marissa was completely out of her head, smiling and rolling her head around happily. Then, she began to wave her hand slowly before her.

**Marissa**

Oh my god...look at all the lights...

As Marissa started to grasp for something in the air, she kept jerking both herself and Alex forward, making the blonde grunt. Still, she kept a tight grip on her ex. It felt nice, even in this situation, to have her so close. She had missed not being able to just be next to her. To touch her in the simplest of ways. Marissa had a massive physical presence, and it had been one of the hardest things for Alex to get used to.

**Dennis**

What are you talking about? Thought you could handle the heavy drinking?

Marissa just giggled manically, still grasping for invisible things in the air.

**Alex**

It's not so much the heavy drinking, as the heavy drugs she's taken.

**Dennis**

What?

**Summer**

Yeah. When you were in your coma, Coop crossed over to the Darkside.

Summer filled in as she struggled with the weight as she helped Dennis walk.

**Dennis**

Where'd she get it from?

**Alex**

Kevin Volchok.

**Dennis**

Shit, I'm gunna kill that guy. He didn't...he didn't _do_ anything to her, did he?

**Alex**

No. I got here in time. His face is going to be somewhat soar for a while.

Dennis sighed in relief, letting his hand drop and catching Summer's ass. Immediately she nudged him in the ribs painfully.

**Summer**

Hey! Watch the hands pervert. Just 'cos you're drunk doesn't mean you get to cop a feel!

Alex couldn't help but smirk at Summer. Secretly, she had always kinda liked her. She was spunky. She had just never been able to get the wall to go down between them. She had always known that Summer meant a lot to Marissa, and that made her nervous around her anyway. But also the little fling she had with Seth didn't help so much. She supposed it didn't really matter now. She stopped thinking about it as she saw they were coming to the top of the beach, near the car park.

**Marissa**

Can you see them too Alex? The fairy bugs?

**Alex**

The what?

Alex frowned, confused as to what Marissa was babbling about. Summer turned around to look at her.

**Summer**

Coop has a fascination with fairy bugs. She's got books on them and stuff. Draws them constantly.

**Alex**

Really? I never knew that.

**Summer**

Yeah she doesn't talk about it.

The darker girl turned around as she hit the car park, aiming Dennis toward her haphazardly parked car. Obviously, Summer had just made a beeline for Alex's jeep, and pulled up quickly to get out of the car. Alex didn't say anything further as she aimed Marissa toward her jeep.

**Summer**

Spew in my car and you're a dead man with a big cleaning bill.

Summer ordered, pouring Dennis into her backseat. He mumbled something as she stretched out along the back, his face downwards on the seat. Immediately, he fell back to sleep, making Summer roll her eyes. She supposed that he had less chance of spewing in her car if he wasn't awake. She turned instead, to watch Alex gently usher Marissa into the jeep. Only Marissa sat sideways on the chair, smiling as Alex stood before her.

Marissa put her hand on the side of Alex's face gently; letting her thumb stroke her smooth skin and her fingers tangle with silky golden hair. She had always loved Alex's skin and hair, they were so soft. And she didn't fail to notice that Alex didn't stop her from caressing her face, and that she even leaned into it a little.

**Marissa**

I miss you.

Marissa whispered, looking at the blonde adoringly. Everything had just fallen into place. The whirlwind of fear that had been inside of her this whole year, just stopped. She didn't have the energy to fight anymore, and she didn't want to. At least she had managed to realise something good through this god-awful experience.

**Alex**

Let's just concentrate on getting you home, okay?

Marissa just nodded, feeling a wave of dizziness hit her forcefully. She turned around properly in the car, letting her head hang down as her eyes fluttered closed. She barely registered Alex closing the door.

**Alex**

Are you okay taking Dennis home?

Summer nodded at Alex's question as she turned around and took a couple of steps to the other side of the vehicle.

**Summer**

I'm good. Do you know where Coop lives?

**Alex**

Does that mean she no longer resides in the McMansion?

**Summer**

Alex, you've missed a hell of a lot. Here...

Summer leaned into her car, searching until she found a pen and paper. She wrote down the address, then handed Alex the paper over the car. The blonde took it, reading quickly before looking up, shocked.

**Alex**

Seriously?

Summer shook her head with a scoff.

**Summer**

I totally couldn't make that up if I tried.

**Alex**

No, I guess not.

Summer looked over at Marissa intently, sighing as she saw how dishevelled she was. Alex caught the look and gave Summer a reassuring one.

**Alex**

She'll be okay Summer. I'll take care of her I promise.

Summer looked back at Alex again, smiling and nodding.

**Summer**

I know. Alex? I'm sorry that we didn't have a real chance to get to know each other when you were here.

**Alex**

Yeah, me too.

They smile at one another for a moment, before Summer got into the car. Alex sighed as she watches her pull out before moving around her jeep and getting in. She looked at Marissa before leaning over to take her seatbelt. The brunette lifted her head as she did, watching Alex buckle her in before looking back at her anxiously.

**Marissa**

Are you angry with me?

Alex frowns at the question.

**Alex**

What? No. No I'm not angry with you.

She pulled back, putting her keys in the ignition and starting the jeep.

**Alex**

Tell me to stop if you need to throw up again, okay?

Marissa nodded weakly, and then Alex set off. Almost immediately, Marissa fell back to sleep, leaving Alex to drive silently. She stole glances at her ex now and then, making sure she was okay as she drove through Newport. She looked around as she drove, thinking about the time she spent here. Nothing seemed to have changed, from what she had seen driving around so far. Nothing she guessed expect everything. It didn't look any different, but clearly, so many things had.

Alex's thoughts drifted to her own life. Back to L.A and what had happened since she moved back up there. She thought about how her own life had been going, and the way she had left it tonight. It made her cringe a little. She realised that she had been doing exactly the same thing as Marissa had. Using things to stop her from thinking about how much pain she was in. Sure, she was using different tools but when you put their actions side by side, they were both doing the same thing.


	5. The Reconnect 5

**Chapter Five**

**Earlier that night - V-Day - L.A**

****

Alex sighed heavily as she stepped outside of the hospital room she had just spent two exhausting hours in. She let the numbness wash over her for a second, standing still before reaching a hand up to rub the back of her neck as she rolled her head around. She had only been working here for a few months, but already she had seen some devastating sights. Working at the hospital had opened her eyes to a lot of things. She liked it though. It was hard, and both physically and emotionally draining, but at least she didn't have to think about her own problems here. She got to help others, focus on them. But what she had just seen, a family loosing their husband, their Father and son...that was not something she enjoyed watching.

The blonde was dressed in her uniform, consisting of white pants and a white tunic with a t-shirt under it. Her hair was tied up neatly, her purple streak peeping out from behind the blonde streaks a little bit. Her ice blue mixed green eyes swirled, looking as tired as her body did. And she sighed again, before setting off down the hall. She smiled at a few staff members that she passed, some of them still on shift, some of them walking about waiting for their night shift to start. She was just glad it was time to get the hell out of here. She loved her job, but some days she loathed it. Like today. It sucked, but the added not joy was that it was Valentine's Day. And if she had hated it before, she despised it now.

Alex refused to let another Marissa montage flow through her head as she walked into the locker room, gritting her teeth to push her ex out of her head. She had been randomly thinking of Marissa on and off, more so than usual today. It had put her in a foul mood, which many people had noticed. The only people that she hadn't snapped at today, were the patients and their families. Everyone else had tried to duck and cover Alex's unusually bad mood.

**Alex**

Hey Tessa.

The blonde managed a weak smile toward one of the nurses on the same row of lockers. She was older than Alex of course, by 10 years. But she had taken the teenager under her wing quickly. Alex loved her to pieces, and looked up to her like an older sister.

**Tessa**

Hey Alex. God, you look beat. I thought it was your day off today?

Alex just grunted as she opened her locker.

**Alex**

Yeah, it was. They called me in.

**Tessa**

Alex...

Tessa began unhappily. Alex held up her hands, wanting to be spared the lecture. Tessa was the only person that wouldn't take her shit. She never let her off with anything, and although she grumbled a great deal about it, Alex secretly was very thankful to her.

**Alex**

I know, I know, I work too hard. You tell me everyday.

**Tessa**

Well it's true. How's school?

**Alex**

It's fine.

Alex didn't want to talk about school, and she didn't want to talk about what she knew Tessa was about to bring up. It had been a question a lot of people had been asking her all day. They all just assumed that someone like herself would have somebody to gush over today. She had never explained to them her hatred of V-Day, never told them of the girl that had broken her heart, or what she did to get over the pain she wasn't getting over.

**Tessa**

Good. So do you have plans for Valentine's Day?

Another set of memories flooded her before she had the chance to stop them.

_But also, it was just knowing I could come here and see you._

She sucked in a breath, remembering the look on Marissa's face when she had sought her out at the Bait Shop after her meal with her Mother. The look of absolute need to see her, it had taken Alex's breath away back then. She remembered Marissa's soft touches as they had made out on the beach that night, and the way she had kissed her.

**Tessa**

Alex? You okay?

Alex visibly shook the memories out of her head, gulping as she stuttered for something to say after Tessa said something. Probably checking on her, since she had just zoned out.

**Alex**

What? Oh, no, I don't. I hate V-Day. Do you?

**Tessa**

Perry is taking me out for a meal, which is a small miracle!

Tessa smiled as she shut her locker, happy to hear Alex chuckle softly at her. It was the first time she had heard her laugh today.

**Alex**

Then shouldn't you get going before you're late?

**Tessa**

Yeah, I really should. Hey, do me a favour Alex? Act like an 18 year old and do something to blow off some steam?

Tessa gave Alex a lingering look, making the teenager look away at a shiny spot on the floor. She bit down on her lip, wondering if the nurse would find her so adorable if she found out how exactly she did blow off some steam. As she left, Alex stripped off her tunic, revealing one of her many band t-shirts beneath it. She turned as she heard the door open again, wondering if her friend had forgotten something. Instead, she ended up scowling irritably as she saw a tall, firmly built man standing there in a nurse's uniform. He wasn't that much older than her, maybe 4 years or so. He had an arrogant, sadistic look plastered over his face, like he did most days.

**Ritchie**

Oh look, it's Dr Alex.

Alex shot him a dirty look at his greeting, thinking for what must have been the billionth time that she would love to smash his face with something heavy and blunt.

**Alex**

Fuck off Ritchie; I'm not in the mood for your shit.

He put a hand over his heart, pulling a mockingly sad and bitter face toward her. Real mature, of course.

**Ritchie**

Awww, does someone have a bruised ego from a lack of cards this year?

Alex sighed, pulling a hooded sweater over her head before pulling it down into place, and then slipping her tie out of her hair, letting it fall down around her face.

**Alex**

I got plenty; I think it was you with the lack of interest.

Ritchie glared at her intently, as she didn't even bother to face him for her insult. Instead, she just unbuttoned her pants and slipped them off, just standing there in her knickers. She was unperturbed by this, not caring that he hadn't looked away. Instead, she just found glee in striking a heavy blow to his ego. There was nothing like insulting Ritchie to improve her day.

**Alex**

Hit a nerve stud muffin?

**Ritchie**

You're a bitch.

**Alex**

Yeah well you're a dick.

She bit back yanking on her jeans. As he opened his mouth to continue the cursing match, the door opened and a tall Dr leaned into the locker room. Her glowing green eyes searched the area until they found Alex, and the redhead smiled warmly.

**Doctor**

Kelly, great work in there.

**Alex**

Thanks.

Alex smiled back at the Dr, before she watched her vanish out of sigh. She turned her attention back onto Ritchie as he scoffed.

**Ritchie**

Dr Phillips seems to have gotten herself a little pet. Does she stroke you too?

**Alex**

Why, you jealous she doesn't pay attention to useless man nurses?

Alex turned her attention back to getting dressed, as she fastened her belt before reaching into her locker for a chunky black watch. Gazing into the locker space, she pulled out her shoulder bag and started stuffing her uniform into it as she slipped back into her sneakers. Despite how tired she looked, she still looked hot in her punky outfit.

**Ritchie**

You know, I can make life here a living hell for you around here Kelly, so watch your step.

Alex didn't move away as Ritchie advanced on her, seemingly making a point that he was a significant amount taller than her. Instead, she just leaned in further, and upwards, getting into his face.

**Alex**

I'm shaking in my sneakers.

Smiling crookedly, Alex backed off and walked around him, breezing out of the locker room. She knew how much he hated it when she won their little spats. It gave her a great deal amount of pleasure to just waltz away, knowing it would irk him for quite sometime. Okay, so her day had improved a little!

**Alex's apartment**

The blonde nurses aid let out a sigh of relief as she pulled her jeep into its usual parking spot in front of her apartment building. Grabbing her bag from the passengers seat, she got out of the car and headed inside. It was a big building, but didn't have many tenants. There were 6, spacious apartments in all, and Alex was the only single one there. She was also the youngest. The rest of her neighbours were all married couples and a couple of them had kids. Kids that she'd agree to watch over when needed.

Tonight though, she was glad to dodge anyone who might have been wondering around, and smiled as she got in through her apartment door. Quickly, she lifted the bag away from her and dumped it next to the side table as she pushed the door shut with her foot. Seeing the machine light blinking, Alex dumped her keys next to it before pressing play.

**Machine**

Message left today at 3:08pm - Hey baby it's Carly. I was wondering if you had plans tonight after work? I know, I know, you've made your feelings about V-Day quite clear and also the fact we're not a couple. But I hate the thought of such a hottie like yourself spending the night alone. Whatever bug you have about V-Day, I can make you forget, trust me. So if you want some company, call me.

Alex just scoffed, unimpressed by the message, before pressing the delete button. She walked down the hallway, not bothering to turn on the lights. Rounding into the kitchen, Alex walked through and yanked open the fridge door. Reaching in, she pulled out a beer and uncapped it quickly. It was Saturday night, and she planned on spending the rest of her night getting shit faced. That way, she could possibly forget what day it was. Or at least, that's what she wanted to happen, but apparently someone had other ideas. Alex scowled as she was taking a long drink, looking back up the hall as the doorbell rang.

**Alex**

If that's Carly so help me I'll kill her.

Alex promised herself angrily as she put her beer down on the counter and marched back up the hallway. The blonde leant forward to look through the peephole, and sighed, as she pulled open the door to reveal a pissed off looking Ritchie stood there. The nurse was now changed, wearing his jeans, a t-shirt and a jacket. He was a popular guy with the ladies at work, which his good looks, built frame and cool hair. Alex just thought he was a dick.

Ritchie glared at Alex as she glared at him, before waltzing past her and into the apartment. He stood there, with his back to Alex, looking around. Alex just sighed, slamming the door shut and turning to look at his back.

**Alex**

I never said you could come in dickweed.

Ritchie just shrugged.

**Ritchie**

I never said that I cared.

Alex narrowed her eyes at him as he turned around to face her, that idiotically arrogant look covering his face.

**Alex**

I fucking hate you.

**Ritchie**

I hate you too.

They stared at each other for a moment, the tension thickening in the air. It grew heavier and heavier, hotter and hotter. Until finally Ritchie broke first. He lunged at Alex, shoving her into the door roughly enough to wind her a little. He didn't stop though, pinning her against the door he leant forward and kissed her forcefully. He didn't feel any resistance; she kissed him back as forcefully as she always did. Both duelling for power. It was Alex that wriggled her hands out of being pinned against the door, now moving down to unbuckle Ritchie's belt. She didn't stop him as he started to devour her neck; letting his hands roam all over her.

Alex couldn't remember when this had started happening. All she could remember was arguing with him one minute, then fucking him inside one of the closets at work the next. That's all they did. They never talked about it, never told anyone, and never felt any kind of emotion about it. She hated him, yet she never stopped this from happening. He served a need, and it was all the more better that they didn't like each other. The sex was better, and she got to fuck the pain away.

After their little session finished in the hallway, up against the door which happened to be a frequented spot for them, the hospital workers managed to find Alex's bedroom. After an hour or so, after she had worn Ritchie out more like, the blonde lied there silently, looking up at the ceiling panting.

**Alex**

Get out.

She ordered, her voice still soft and cracked from the heavy breathing, but no less cold as she had meant it to sound. She couldn't give a damn if he was offended or not. She didn't want him in her bed; she hated seeing him there. She hated herself for letting him in, and for letting herself slip so far. But ever since she came back to L.A, Alex had found herself finding solace in different beds. A lot of different beds actually, on account she always managed to go home with someone, or be taken home, when she went out. Some of them she knew, some of them were strangers. Some of them girls, some boys. Some she could remember the names of, the majority she couldn't. Alex knew she should sort herself out, but she just kept letting herself become a black hole. Her friends just laughed, saying she was young and living it up. They didn't realise how serious it was though. She only told them about a few of her conquests.

Alex thought about this as Ritchie rolled out of bed, trying to find his boxers. Finally he managed, and pulled them on before picking up his jeans and yanking them on too. He cast a disdainful look across Alex's naked form, narrowing his eyes.

**Ritchie**

You told anyone about...this?

Alex looked at him, completely unabashed at the fact that she was still naked. She didn't care; she didn't feel vulnerable in front of him. It seemed to actually make him more uncomfortable, she had become aware of this over the past couple of months. Every time they had finished, he would get a little flustered at her easiness of being naked around him. She supposed that it pissed him off, that she was secure enough in herself to not feel vulnerable. He liked holding power over people, but he never had with her.

**Alex**

What, our little hate fuelled fuck sessions? Do you think I want to spread that around?

She spat angrily, watching him shove his t-shirt on indignantly.

**Ritchie**

I know what my deal is Alex, I just like the sex. What I can't figure out is what's yours?

**Alex**

Like you care.

**Ritchie**

You're right, I don't. Just, don't give it up. It makes you a total whore in the sack.

**Alex**

You're an asshole.

**Ritchie**

I maybe an asshole but at least I'm not fucked up like you.

Ritchie grabbed his jacket and walked out of the bedroom. After a moment, Alex heard the front door slam. She sighed, deciding to herself that she definitely had to stop this. Things with Ritchie were just too much for her right now. And maybe if she could stop it with him, she could stop sleeping around to feel something. Or to not feel something. That part confused her. All she knew was that this whole no emotional connections deal was starting to kill her. Maybe no contact would be better?

Shaking her head, Alex stood up to take a shower. It was nice to wash the day away from her, and she settled on carrying out her original plan. Drinking until she passed out in front of the TV. That was an awesome plan.

After getting out of the shower, Alex dried her hair and got changed into shorts and a t-shirt. Padding into the kitchen, she grabbed the beer she left and took a gulp of it as the doorbell rang again.

**Alex**

What is this, grand fucking central station?

Clearly annoyed, Alex walked down her hall and yanked open the door without even bothering to check the peephole. She guessed it could be Ritchie, wondering if he forgot something. It wasn't. Instead, she clapped her eyes on a dark haired girl, with dark mischief soaked eyes. She leant on the doorframe, grinning seductively at the blonde.

**Carly**

Hey baby.

**Alex**

I'm not your baby, and I didn't call you.

Alex replied stropily, making Carly shrug lightly with a crooked smile. It had been that smile which had first made Alex pay attention.

**Carly**

I didn't expect you to. You want to hook up? I can make you forget, remember?

Alex opened her mouth to reply, or rather tell her where to go, but stopped as her cell phone began to ring. She turned, listening so she could figure out where it went. Trotting down the hall to her bedroom, she leant down to grab her discarded jeans and fished the phone out of her pocket, not noticing Carly follow her. All she could think about was the fact that Marissa's name was on the caller ID. She took a deep breath, then answered her phone.

**Alex**

Marissa? What's wrong?

Alex listened to the distraught girl on the other end of the line, becoming increasingly worried about her. She felt her body go rigid as Marissa sobbed into the phone, getting a determined look in her eyes as she realised Marissa said she needed to see her.

**Alex**

It's okay; I'll be there in a couple of hours.

Alex snapped her phone shut, then realised that Carly had followed her into the room.

**Alex**

Get out.

She ordered for the second time that night. She moved around to her closet, opening it quickly to grab something to get dressed in. She didn't watch as Carly stood her ground, gazing at the scattered clothes and messed up bed. The open condom wrapper on the side didn't go amiss either. She glared back at Alex, who was currently stripping off to put some underwear on, seemingly once again not caring that she wasn't alone.

**Carly**

Why do you do this to yourself?

**Alex**

Get out Carly.

**Carly**

You're going to self-destruct, you know that? The work, the sex, the booze? What's wrong with you?

Alex whirled around angrily, looking at the older girl with a pointed, furious stare. Carly's favourite hobby was trying to analyse her, since she was a psych major. She was forever trying to pry out things from Alex's past, saying she could help. It annoyed the blonde to no end.

**Alex**

You don't get to ask that, you're not my girlfriend.

**Carly**

But I'd like to be.

**Alex**

I don't.

Carly sighed; looking down for a moment before looking back up to a now almost fully dressed Alex.

**Carly**

It's her, isn't it? That Marissa girl?

**Alex**

Don't you say her name; you don't know anything about her.

**Carly**

Sure I do. I know she's the one that did this to you. And here you are, running off back to her like a little bitch.

Alex shook her head, pulling on a sweater as she did.

**Alex**

It's not like that.

Realising what she was doing, the blonde just sniggered at herself.

**Alex**

Why am I even explaining myself to you? Get out Carly, and don't bother coming over again. Find someone else to analyse.

Carly looked at Alex, clearly upset, but then turned to leave. She slammed the door behind her, but Alex barely noticed. Instead she just shrugged on her jacket and slipped into her sneakers. Grabbing a couple of things, she walked up to the hallway table and picked up her bag, shoving her wallet in there. She grabbed her keys and left the apartment.

Alex had no idea what was going to happen when she got to Newport. She had no idea why she was going either. But she knew one thing; she couldn't turn Marissa down when she had been crying like that. Something was seriously wrong, and Alex needed to go and find out what.


	6. The Reconnect 6

**Chapter Six**

**Present time - The O.C - The trailer**

With some difficulty, Alex managed to get Marissa into the trailer. She huffed, having virtually carried the lanky brunette. She sat Marissa down in a chair, then went to the sink and poured out a glass of water before returning to her ex girlfriend. She was quieter now, feeling the bad affects of vodka with a coke chaser. Her skin had paled significantly, and Alex knew that tonight was going to be rough for her.

**Alex**

Here, drink this.

Alex insisted softly, kneeling in front of the despondent Marissa. She lifted the glass up to her lips, but Marissa tried to move away from it. Alex only followed her with the glass, leaning up to put her hand behind Marissa's head, trying to keep her still.

**Alex**

Come on honey, drink the water.

Giving in, Marissa drank the water. She scrunched up her nose as the water went down.

**Alex**

Good girl. Let's get you into bed.

Again, Alex hefted Marissa through to the back of the trailer, and sat her down on the edge of the bed. She looked around, pulling open a few draws before finding one with some shorts and t-shirts in them. She grabbed a couple, then looked back at the zoned out brunette. Alex looked then at her hands, which were shaking. She frowned at herself, clearing her throat to try and stop her shaking and to also get herself to knock it off. Then, gently, she began to shed Marissa of her clothes.

After getting her changed, Alex brushed Marissa's hair back and tied it up gently. She missed this. Doing things like that. Obviously, not exactly this. Things like brushing Marissa's hair, she had loved to do that. It was so soft, and it always smelt so good. Alex remembered how she would lie awake at night when sleep evaded her, listening to Marissa's soft breathing and stroking through her hair. She missed it, desperately.

Finally, Alex helped Marissa lie down in her bed. She covered her up gently, then sat on the edge of the bed. Marissa had fallen asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. Despite the lack of colour, Alex thought she looked so peaceful. Marissa always looked so angelic in her sleep. Like she had no problems to speak of. Of course, when she opened her eyes that image was shattered, because you could see a soul as deep as the universe in her eyes. A heavily loaded soul.

Sighing as she stroked Marissa's cheek, Alex leant forward and planted a kiss on Marissa's forehead.

**Alex**

I'm sorry I wasn't there for you.

Looking sadly, and longingly, at the girl she so clearly still loved, Alex pulled herself away. She went in search of a bowl, which she found. Then, she poured out another glass of water and went back into the bedroom. She placed the water on the nightstand, and the bowl on the floor. She then sighed, looking at her watch. Deciding that Marissa needed to sleep, Alex turned and left again. She walked through into the main section of the trailer, and sat herself down on the little couch. The next thought that hit her wasn't a particularly good one. Julie Cooper.

As if on cue, Julie Cooper was the very person who came waltzing into the trailer happily. But the waltzing ended; as soon as she clapped eyes on the girl she never thought she would see again. She sat before her on the couch, giving her a weak smile.

**Julie**

Alex...

**Alex**

Hi Mrs Cooper.

Julie wasn't usually left speechless, but now she found herself scrambling for something to say.

**Julie**

Erm...what...what are you doing here?

Regaining her composure, the socialite crossed her arms and gave the blonde girl a pointed stare. Alex for her part, looked un-phased at her scare tactics, and more concerned.

**Alex**

Marissa called me. She was really upset.

**Julie**

She was upset?

**Alex**

Yeah. She asked me to come.

Julie raised an interested eyebrow at that, as she dropped her arms, not having the energy to play games with Alex. Obviously she was here for an important reason, and she was willing to level with her.

**Julie**

You...you came all the way from L.A?

Alex just nodded slowly.

**Alex**

Pretty much, yeah.

**Julie**

Wow. How upset was she?

Julie took a seat opposite Alex; her voice having changed to a softer one after Alex first said Marissa was upset. Alex gazed at the woman in front of her, taking in a couple of changes. She seemed softer in general; maybe living here had brought her down a few pegs? Alex wasn't sure, but it didn't really matter. She owed Julie an explanation of what had happened to her daughter.

**Alex**

Well...she could hardly speak with crying when she called me. And in the time it took me to break every speed limit and traffic regulation from L.A to Newport she was blind drunk.

Julie cringed, her stomach double dipping as she thought about Marissa drinking again.

**Julie**

Drunk?

**Alex**

Yeah, you might need to restock on your vodka, 'cos she drank almost all of it.

The older woman rubbed her face, not knowing what to say. Marissa and her drinking had always been an on and off problem. She honestly thought that it was a thing of the past though. Yes, Marissa had been through some seriously rough patches recently, but Julie had thought she was coping remarkably well. And she had perked up when Kaitlin had come to visit. Obviously, her teenager wasn't doing as well as she thought.

**Alex**

There's something else.

Julie dropped her hand, looking at Alex fearfully.

**Julie**

There's more?

Alex nodded slowly again, getting second thoughts about telling Marissa's Mother that she'd taken drugs. After a second of debating with herself though, she knew that she couldn't lie. She couldn't keep something like this from Julie Cooper. Marissa had made a huge mistake, and she needed someone to point that out.

**Alex**

Yeah she erm...she kinda took something.

**Julie**

What? Come on Alex, spit it out.

**Alex**

Coke. She took some coke.

**Julie**

Oh god...

**Alex**

Please don't be hard on her. She's just really hurting right now.

Julie sighed softly, closing her eyes and leaning her head back on the chair as she listened to Alex's pleading voice.

**Julie**

I know Alex. I'm just trying to think of a way to help.

**Alex**

I think right now, all either of us can do is be here.

**Julie**

I think you're right.

Lifting her head back up, she looked the girl over. She was the same girl she had warned off her daughter not all too long ago. A little older, a little pained in the eyes, but looking just as good. Somewhat tired, Julie of course couldn't help but notice. But she was a beautiful girl, and she could see why Marissa had been attracted to her.

**Julie**

Can I fix you some coffee?

Julie asked, lifting herself up from her chair.

**Alex**

Sure, thanks.

**Julie**

It's the least I can do. Besides, it looks as though it's going to be a long night.

They both heard Marissa begin to cough loudly, that special sounding hack you get when you're about to throw up. Alex stood up quickly.

**Alex**

I'll take the first puking session.

Julie nodded as she began to fill the kettle, watching carefully as Alex practically ran out of the space.

Marissa was trying to sit up but was having difficulty, due to everything moving but also her shaking. She felt someone come up besides her, helping her to sit up. Opening her eyes, she saw that Alex was there, giving her a supportive look. That and holding a bowl in her hand. Marissa wanted so much to talk to her, to tell her as fast as she could everything that she was feeling, everything she had realised on the beach. But she couldn't, her stomach had other plans. Plans that involved her lurching forward, and throwing up into the bowl that Alex was holding. Even through the puking session, the embarrassment and the shame of throwing up in front of Alex, Marissa could feel the blonde's hand rubbing up and down her back gently. It was nice, she hated being sick like nothing on earth. She liked having someone there to help her, even if she was humiliated about it.

After her puking session had finished, Marissa panted for air, leaning on Alex and resting her head comfortably on her shoulder.

**Marissa**

You...you don't have to do this.

She whispered, still trying to catch her breath. Then, she was surprised when Alex kissed her lightly on top of her head, before leaning forward to grab the glass of water.

**Alex**

Yeah, I do. I want to. Here...

Marissa sat up as Alex handed the water to her.

**Alex**

Rinse your mouth out, it'll feel better.

Marissa did as told, sipping the water, rinsing then spitting it back out again.

**Alex**

You think you're finished?

**Marissa**

Ah ha...

She let Alex help her lie back down again, and lift up the covers so she could get her legs back in properly. After that, the blonde sat back down on the edge of the bed, smiling as she brushed a strand of hair away from Marissa's eye tenderly.

**Marissa**

You must think so little of me right now.

Alex just shook her head, still smiling at Marissa. How could she ever think little of her, after what she had been doing in L.A? How could she think little of her at all. Even when they had broken up, Alex hadn't been able to think that. Yes, Marissa had hurt her, severely hurt her. But she knew it hadn't really been her fault. Alex had believed that Marissa was in love with Ryan, and always would be. She wasn't heated enough that she blamed Marissa for that, because no one could control who they loved.

**Alex**

I could never think little of you Marissa.

**Marissa**

Can we talk? After I've thrown out my vital organs and aren't looking like death?

**Alex**

You look beautiful, even now. And yeah, we can talk. You can tell me about your fairy bugs.

**Marissa**

Oh my god...what did I say?

Alex chuckled, watching Marissa screw up her face and go red immediately like a little girl.

**Alex**

I'll tell you later. So, your Mom is home.

At that, Marissa's face fell.

**Marissa**

Did you tell her?

**Alex**

I had to.

**Marissa**

Is she...is she mad?

**Alex**

No actually, just worried. She's making me coffee.

The 18-year-old raised an eyebrow at her ex girlfriend, smirking. There was something so odd at the idea of Julie Cooper and Alex Kelly sitting down to coffee together.

**Marissa**

You're having coffee with my Mom?

**Alex**

Yeah. You should go back to sleep.

Marissa nodded in compliance, once again feeling the need to slip into a coma. She was awake enough though, to feel Alex lean over her and kiss her softly on the forehead. The kiss made her smile as she settled down, and soon flowed into sleep thinking of Alex.

Alex picked up the bowl, moving to the bathroom and getting rid of the sick before rinsing it out a little. She looked at the slumbering girl as she walked back in to place the bowl down by the bed again. She had the feeling they would be needing it again before the sun came back up.

After her duties were tended to, Alex walked back, seeing that Julie had made the coffee and was now sitting down again.

**Julie**

She okay?

**Alex**

Yeah, she's asleep again.

Julie indicates the mug on the table, at Alex's side. Alex smiles gratefully, and moves forward to sit down and take her coffee.

**Alex**

Thanks.

**Julie**

I didn't know how you took it.

**Alex**

Black is good.

As the pair sipped their coffees, a strange silence crept in between them. They had only met twice before, the last time being when Julie was trying her damndest to get rid of Alex.

Julie had been doing some thinking though. Summer wasn't the only one who had noticed the change in Marissa when Alex had left. Maybe not as obvious to most, but Julie knew her daughter better than Marissa thought she did. At first, she put it down to being a teenager. Then, she figured it was all the drama surrounding her and Ryan. Then all hell had broken loose, with the Trey incident. Marissa had been worse since then, and now this. It was interesting that the changes had come about when Alex had left town, and it was Alex that she had called for help. What was even more interesting to Julie was the fact that Alex had driven down from L.A for her.

**Julie**

You're still in love with my daughter, aren't you?

Alex looked up at her so quickly that she almost sustained whiplash, but decided against saying anything. She hadn't let those words slip out of her mouth since she had told Seth that she had fallen hard for Marissa. It had been something that was too painful to speak out loud, considering that she knew Marissa was never going to love her back. And despite what Summer had said, she couldn't say it now either. Marissa was seriously out of her head, making Alex feel unsure whether any of it was true. She couldn't accept it from her when she was like this.

**Julie**

I'll take that as a yes. Not many people would do what you did tonight.

**Alex**

Look, I'm not here to mess things up. Once I know she's okay I'll leave.

Alex told her bitterly, remembering the harsher Julie, calling her 'this weeks yard guy'. That one would stay with her for sometime. She had been called a lot of things in her life, but that took the prize.

**Julie**

Thank you.

Alex snickered, frowning into her coffee.

**Alex**

Yeah...

**Julie**

No, I mean thank you for now. Taking care of Marissa. She's...she's been through so much since you left. I guess this was the cherry on a very painful cake.

The sincerity in Julie's voice caught Alex off guard, but from her eyes she knew she was being genuine. So, she nodded in understanding.

**Alex**

Yeah, I know.

Julie didn't know whether that meant that Alex knew what had happened since her departure, or if she knew how it felt for herself. But typical of Marissa, she had picked a rather mysterious, deep but private person to fall for her. Julie noticed that it seemed to be Marissa's type, be it girl or boy. She knew better than to try and push Alex into saying anything about it, so instead she just engaged her in some idol chitchat. First asking her how she found Marissa, and what had happened. Then, a few more personal questions, or remarks about the whether or telling her about her new business with Kirsten. Eventually, an hour slipped by them.

**Julie**

What did you do to your hand?

Alex frowned, snapping out of her Marissa filled daze, blinking as she looked over at Julie.

**Alex**

What?

Julie just pointed towards Alex's hand, making the blonde look down to see that her knuckles were split a little, with a soft bruise and a small swollen path covering them. Alex was surprised to see the damage there, having not noticed it before. It wasn't bad, she had taken worse. But now she had noticed it she felt how soar it was.

**Alex**

Oh...well I guess I did it last night on Kevin Volchok's face.

**Julie**

You got into a fight Alex?

Julie said it just as a disappointed Mother would say, the one that was supportive and caring but hated it when her little girl came back bloody and bruised having been in a fight. It brought memories back of her own parents, and what had happened when she had been fighting at school. Suddenly, she began to squirm in her seat a little, trying to think of a way to vindicate herself to Julie.

**Alex**

No, not a fight exactly. A scuffle maybe? I sucker punched the guy that gave Marissa the drugs.

She explained, catching Julie's attention immediately. The dark redhead lifted her head up, gazing at Alex with a colder look in her eyes.

**Julie**

Oh...I hope he looks worse than your hand?

Alex just smiled, relishing the memories of seeing the look of Volchok's bruised face and bust lip. Yep, that was going to stay with her.

**Alex**

Let's just say he'll have fun explaining his face to his friends. And I doubt he'll go near Marissa ever again.

**Julie**

Good.

The two looked at each other, having a more comfortable moment. They both realised that the biggest thing they had in common was Marissa, and protecting Marissa. Alex couldn't help but grant the woman forgiveness for trying to get rid of her last year, knowing that she was probably just trying to save Marissa the anguish of going through hell. She just did it in a bad way.

Julie had began to realise that she liked Alex. She liked Alex a lot. This girl had done everything to help her daughter. Even when they were together, and Marissa had moved out, Julie had known that at least Alex was making sure she was safe. And Alex had walked away to try and let Marissa be happy. And now she had dropped everything, and drove all the way to Newport in the evening at the drop of a phone call. Yes, anyone that would do that, and help Marissa through tonight, was definitely someone Julie could trust with her daughter. It may not have been her first choice of course, she had made that abundantly clear. But she decided to get over it. All that really mattered was Marissa's happiness.

**Julie**

So...what do you do these days?

Alex just shrugged.

**Alex**

Go to school. Go to work.

**Julie**

School? Good for you. You got another bar job?

**Alex**

No, actually. I'm a nurse's aid at the hospital.

Before Julie could comment on her surprise at the sudden career switch, they heard Marissa begin to cough again. Julie stood up immediately, starting to move toward the bedroom.

**Julie**

My turn.

When she entered the darker room, she found that Marissa had already managed to get herself to sit up. She turned as she heard someone step in, and Julie watched as the fear flashed through her groggy eyes. Her daughter look like hell warmed up. All pale and sticky, her hair tied down and damp, so hunched over and painful looking. It broke her heart.

**Julie**

Oooh honey.

**Marissa**

Mom...

Julie picked up the bowl just as Marissa lurched over, and sat beside her as she began to throw up. She hadn't sat with Marissa helping her to throw up since she had been younger. A horrible flu bug had infected the school, and Marissa had been wiped out with it. She looked even more fragile now then she did then.

**Julie**

Better?

Marissa nodded silently, and Julie handed her the water, watching as Marissa sipped it and spat it back out.

**Marissa**

I...I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Julie sighed, putting the bowl down before pulling Marissa into her. She felt her daughter begin to sob against her, arms wrapped around her tightly, desperately. She squeezed her lightly, kissing her on top of her head.

**Julie**

Oh honey, I wish you had talked to me. I'm here for you Marissa, despite what you may think.

After a moment, Marissa sniffled as she pulled away, but still kept a hold of her Mother. She looked up at her, as Julie pushed some of her damp hair away from her face.

**Marissa**

Are you...are you gunna send me away?

**Julie**

What? No, what made you think that?

**Marissa**

After I OD'd in TJ...you wanted to then.

**Julie**

Yes, and I've learnt my lesson since then. But don't think we're not going to have a serious talk about your behaviour young lady. This binge drinking has to stop; you're going to hurt yourself. You did hurt yourself. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and trust that you would never have taken the drugs without being drunk.

**Marissa**

I wouldn't have.

**Julie**

I'm just glad you called Alex so someone was there to take care of you.

She replied, making Marissa look at her in shock.

**Marissa**

Seriously? I thought you'd hate her being here.

**Julie**

No, a little surprised maybe but it's okay. Obviously you called her for a reason.

The teen just nodded tiredly.

**Julie**

Lie down sweetheart, get some more sleep.

Again, Marissa complied to her orders, and shuffled back into bed. She tried to keep her focus on her Mother, but sleep soon overtook her. The last thing she saw was Julie watching over her, stroking her face lovingly.

For a couple of hours, Alex and Julie just sat around, having some more random conversations. Eventually, both of them drifted off to sleep where they sat. They heard nothing more from Marissa, who ended up sleeping the rest of the night through.

**Morning**

Alex jolted awake suddenly, patting herself down as though she thought she were on fire. Quickly, her disorientated eyes scanned her whereabouts, and she remembered falling asleep talking to Julie on their Marissa-Watch. Looking up, she saw the woman in question standing in the little kitchenette, looking at her oddly.

**Julie**

Morning. Are you okay?

Julie wondered after Alex's interesting little wake up outburst. She watched as Alex once again looked around her, sitting up properly and cringing in the process. The girl stretched, before trying to pat down the small birds nest on her head.

**Alex**

Hey, yeah. Is Marissa okay?

**Julie**

Yeah. I checked on her a little while ago, she's still asleep.

Alex nodded, looking relieved as she looked at her watch. 9:01am. Now in the harsh light of day, she wondered what she was supposed to do. She knew she told Marissa she wouldn't leave, not at until she talked to her at least anyway. But she just wasn't sure where to place herself. Her fear of being rejected again started to nibble at her stomach. She had never felt like this before. She had never been so totally taken over by anyone, not even Jodie. But had Marissa only called her last night because she had no one to turn to? Or had she wanted to call for as long as Summer made out?

**Julie**

I'm making some more coffee if you're interested?

**Alex**

Yes, please.

**Julie**

Would you like something to eat? Or do you still not do breakfast?

Alex sucked in a gasp of air, looking back over at Julie. She was surprised that Julie remembered that breakfast remark. The morning that Marissa had introduced them both, after a very, very late night for them. Alex remembered kissing behind Julie's back, after Marissa had playfully thrown bread at her. It was one of her favourite memories of them being together. After they had spent most of the night having sex or just lying they're together talking, joking around. The memory of how sweet Marissa had been that morning; it was burnt into her memory.

However, Alex also knew that when she had left that morning, Marissa had told Julie about their relationship. Alex gulped not being help herself from wondering if Julie had worked out why she had stayed over that night. Suddenly, her mouth became dry and she was suddenly a little anxious in the woman's presence. After all, she was the girl that had been screwing her daughter, parents never liked that.

**Alex**

Erm...I'm not hungry. Thanks.

Julie just nodded as Alex forced herself to regain her composure. She was supposed to be a badass, not fretting over what her ex girlfriend's Mother was going to do to her for sleeping with her daughter.

Julie poured out their coffees, moving around the trailer to take her place back in the seat she fell asleep in. She handed the teenage girl her mug, smiling as she took it eagerly.

**Julie**

So what happens now?

**Alex**

I don't know.

They both sighed, retreating into their own thoughts.

**Later that day, early evening.**

After hearing the persistent and erratic tapping on the door, Julie rolled off of her bed she had been taking a quick nap on, to walk over to the door. Yanking it open, her annoyance disappeared as she saw Summer there, twisting where she stood and looking up at her awkwardly.

**Summer**

Erm...hi Mrs Cooper Nickel.

**Julie**

Hello Summer. Are you here to see Marissa?

**Summer**

Yes. Is she...erm...

Summer frowned, searching for a word. Was she what? Awake? Hung over? Strung out? How could she possibly know how to ask if Marissa was okay? She had no idea what had happened after Alex and brought Marissa home. In fact, she had been awake for a lot of the night cursing herself for not asking to take Alex's number.

**Julie**

I take it you know what happened last night?

Julie wondered, sending a relieved sensation through Summer. So Julie knew, that would make it a lot easier. So, she sighed and nodded as Julie stepped aside, gesturing her in.

**Summer**

Yes, I do. Is she okay?

Neither of them realised that Summer's tapping had woken Marissa up. She looked around her, sitting up on her elbows as she winced feeling the pain flowing through her body, and her head. She groaned as she put one of her hands on her head, then forced her eyes open to look around. No one was in the room with her, but she could hear muffled voices from the trailer. Taking a breath, she pushed the covers away from her and began to get up.

**Julie**

She's been asleep all day. Alex and I spent a good portion of the night taking care of her, but I think the worst has passed. Besides the hangover, that is.

**Summer**

Good. I was really scared. I saw her, at the beach. I took her friend home.

**Julie**

She scared me too.

Julie whispered, but still loud enough for both Summer and the slightly hunched over Marissa, who appeared in the doorway that she leant on. Still she was squinting at the light, and she looked...well like she'd been hit by a truck.

**Marissa**

I didn't mean to.

Summer and Julie spun around, being taken off guard. Both of them looked happy to see her up and walking, even though a wave of sympathy shot through them at seeing her so dishevelled and in pain she was. Marissa was holding onto the side with one hand, and holding the side of her head with the other, wincing and screwing her eyes shut as her eyes still stung from the bright lights.

**Summer**

Oh my god Coop. Don't ever do that to me again.

Summer insisted, referring to her friend's activities on the beach. She marched forward, hugging Marissa tightly, forgetting how fragile she was right now. She didn't care; she just wanted to fling her arms around her skinny little self so it really registered she was okay. Last night had been so awful for her to witness, she loved Marissa like no other. Even when they were little, Summer had always adored the taller, lighter brunette. She supposed that maybe she was like a sister to her or something, but even closer. The thought of Marissa hurting like she was last night, it was too much for Summer to bare thinking about.

Marissa cringed at Summer's grasp at first, but then smiled as she hugged the smaller girl back. The almost being broken in half was worth it for the hug. Summer had always been there for her, like every single time she needed her. Marissa didn't know what she had done exactly, to deserve Summer as her best friend, but she was grateful anyway.

**Marissa**

Don't worry Sum, I don't plan to.

Summer smiled, reaching up to give Marissa a quick kiss before moving back so Julie to get in. She couldn't help but smile. Marissa was going to be okay. It seemed like she had her Mother had come to some sort of comfort level, finally. And Marissa had the chance to sort things out with Alex. Wait, where was Alex?

**Julie**

How do you feel?

Marissa grunted, smiling at her hug with her Mother before she pulled back to inspect her.

**Marissa**

Like an idiot. And there's a million elephants having a party in my head.

**Julie**

I'll get you some painkillers.

Marissa nodded lightly, and smirked gratefully. As she watched Julie cross the room, she noticed Summer looking around and frowning. As she was about to ask her what the hell she was doing, Marissa suddenly realised. Summer was looking for Alex. Marissa began to frown too, finding no trace of the blonde in the living room. She had been there last night; it definitely hadn't been a dream. Marissa didn't care how high or drunk she was, she remembered Alex.

**Marissa**

Hey Mom? Where did Alex go?

Julie, now returning to a happier state of mind, bustled into the kitchen to fix her daughter some painkillers. All the tension she had been feeling through the night had just lifted off her shoulders as Marissa appeared, looking worse for wear of course, but ultimately fine.

**Julie**

Oh, she's gone...

Marissa felt sick. Her hand shot up to her stomach, that felt as though it had just been set alight. She had promised her, she told her that they were going to talk. She said she wasn't going to leave her. What was she going to do if Alex had gone back home? How could she prove to her that she loved her, that she always had loved her? Had she scared her off? The whole drinking and drugging drama wasn't exactly a way to win a girls heart back over, Marissa cursed herself for being so foolish. How could she have let Alex slip through her fingers? Again?

**Marissa**

She's gone? But she can't be gone. She said she wouldn't leave; we were going to talk...

Marissa began to ramble without taking a breath. She dropped impossibly paler as she shook her head, not being able to accept that Alex had taken off.

**Julie**

Honey calm down, let me finish. She's gone for some air. She said she'd be by the beach.

Marissa smiled, visibly relaxing as she leant back on the doorframe, feeling a little light-headed. She was still here, she still had a shot. All she had to do now was work out how exactly she was going to win Alex back. Prove yourself, Dennis had said. Marissa was still at a loss as to how.

**Summer**

You okay Coop?

**Marissa**

Yeah, I just...I just need to see her.

**Julie**

Marissa. Tell me the truth. Do you love her?

Marissa turned to her Mother, feeling her penetrating eyes bore straight into her. Then without even looking at her, Marissa felt Summer's eyes on her too. The attention made her feel nervous. This was the ultimate question, wasn't it? Not that she doubted that she loved Alex, but this would be the first time that she would have said it. It would be the first time she would be setting aside all her fear that had been eating away at her since they met. So it was now or never.

**Marissa**

I love her.

Marissa replied, nodding slowly.

**Julie**

You want to be with her?

**Marissa**

Yes.

A pause hung over the three of them pointedly, making the atmosphere nervous and thick. Summer was holding her breath, wondering what was going to happen. Marissa had just admitted that she loved Alex, and to her Mother of all the people. The one that had tried to break them up. Still, Julie had been differently lately, more caring and understanding. She just hoped for Marissa that she was more caring and understanding enough to accept the fact that her daughter was a big old lesbian!

**Julie**

Well what are you waiting for? Get in the shower and go and tell her that.

Julie flailed, startling the two best friends. Why was Marissa just standing around like that? Obviously she had some damage control to do, why wasn't she moving to go and do it? Since Alex had to go back to L.A at some point Julie knew that letting Marissa go and deal with their relationship had to come before her ass kicking over last night's fiasco.

**Marissa**

You're not...I mean...

Marissa stood there, gaping like a fish on dry land at Julie. The redhead sighed, flailing her hands again at the stunned brunette.

**Julie**

I want you to be happy. Alex makes you happy. Obviously, you had...have, something special. I mean, she came out all this way for you. That's worth holding onto.

**Summer**

Wow...

Marissa almost cried as she moved over to her Mom, grasping her and pulling her into another hug. That's all she had ever wanted to hear from Julie. She had said the words before, but Marissa had never truly heard the sincerity behind them. It was there now, and instantly she knew that her Mother loved her. More than that, she was supporting and accepting her. If Julie Cooper was behind her, Marissa felt like she could take on anyone. Who cared who knew the truth about her? Her Mom was cool with it, her best friend was cool with it, and she was cool with it.

**Marissa**

Thank you Mom. I love you so much.

**Julie**

I love you too honey. Like I said, I want you to be happy. Besides, I really like Alex. She's proved herself to be worthy of my oldest daughter!

Marissa just laughed at her Mother's own impression of her old self, and took the painkillers that were held out on offer to her. Drinking the water quickly, Marissa virtually smashed the glass back down onto the counter before heading towards the bathroom.

**Summer**

I'll give you a ride to the beach Coop.

**Marissa**

Thanks Summer. I won't be long.

Marissa bolted for the shower, getting a spurt of energy that came with the anticipation of having 'the talk' with Alex. She still felt like crap. Utter crap actually, but she had to move past the pain so she could find the girl she loved. It didn't matter how badly she felt, she needed to tell Alex the truth. Either way, no matter what happened, Marissa knew she just needed to talk.

Enjoying the sensation of a warm shower cleansing her of last night, Marissa washed her hair quickly. She kept thinking through what she would say when she caught up with Alex. Ran scenarios in her mind as she left the shower to go and get dry and ready. The painkillers had helped take the edge off, freeing her to go about getting herself dressed and dry her hair. In what seemed like no time at all, she was ready, and walked back to the living room.

**Summer**

Ready to get your woman back?

**Marissa**

I'm ready; I just hope she wants me back.

**Julie**

I'm sure she does.

Marissa cast a doubtful look at Julie, getting a lump in her throat as she thought about all the pain she had caused Alex.

**Marissa**

I really hurt her Mom.

**Julie**

She came back didn't she?

**Summer**

Yeah Coop. She drove all the way here late at night. She punched out Volchok for you. You want more proof than that?

**Marissa**

Okay, okay! Let's go.

Marissa squealed, hoping that they were right. She supposed there was a glimmer of hope, Alex had indeed drove down here last night. She'd protected her from Volchok, and looked after her during the night. Surely there was something there? Surely she wouldn't have come down here after a minute long phone call unless she still loved her. Or so Marissa hoped, anyway.

After getting a good luck hug from her Mother, Marissa pulled her jacket over her sweater as she followed Summer to her car. She couldn't get the smile that had snuck onto her lips to go away, as butterflies swam inside of her stomach. Good butterflies, that were for the moment beating down the bad butterflies that came with being hung over.


	7. The Reconnect 7

**Chapter Seven**

As Summer drove quickly but steadily in the general direction of the beach, Marissa began to look at her friend. Once again, Summer had come through for her. That girl needed a medal, for all the things she put her through. Instead, Marissa just smiled at her lovingly.

**Marissa**

I love you Summer.

She stated warmly, deciding that she needed to tell people what she thought, a lot more.

**Summer**

I love you too Coop.

Summer replied, smiling back at her friend. She was a little surprised at the sudden declaration, but it was always nice to hear. She knew Marissa loved her, and they would tell each other that all the time. But it was usually in a flippant, girly way or something. It was nice to just say it properly sometimes. And it was also nice to get the affirmation from Marissa, which Summer knew it was.

**Marissa**

Thanks, you know...for always being there for me. I know I'm not the easiest girl to be friends with.

Summer scoffed sarcastically, pulling a face as she looked back at the road and flipped her hand playfully.

**Summer**

Are you kidding, you're a breeze Marissa Cooper! You're never getting rid of me.

**Marissa**

Good.

They both smiled as Summer turned into the car park. Seeing Alex's jeep up ahead by the edge of the drop, she stopped as to not draw attention to themselves. She wanted to let Marissa do this how she wanted to, so she didn't want Alex to see them first.

**Summer**

Just be honest, okay?

She advised, looking at Marissa how had unbuckled herself and was now getting out of the car. She nodded as she strained her eyes towards Alex's jeep, making out from here that Alex was sat on her good, leaning back on the glass.

**Marissa**

Thanks Sum.

Summer nodded, waving before she pulled out of the car park. Still distracted at looking at Alex, Marissa walked toward that jeep she loved almost as much at the blonde. Her heart began to pound against her rib cage so hard she half expected it to burst out of her chest. Her throat went a little try, and the excited butterflies turned into evil terrified butterflies in her stomach.

Shoving her hands into her jeans pocket, Marissa walked up the side of the jeep and out to the front to gain Alex's attention. Her breath caught a little, as the blonde moved her head to the side to look at her, and Marissa just stood there twirling slightly, not knowing what to do. She smiled weakly at the blonde, feeling sheepish because she realised that Alex was talking to someone on the phone.

**Alex**

Mom? I'm sorry I have to go. I'll call you back soon. Me too, bye.

Alex informed her Mother, not taking her eyes off of the slightly cowering brunette in front of her. Unbeknown to Marissa, Alex swallowed a lump of relief, feeling a little dizzy for a moment as she saw that she was fine.

**Alex**

Hey.

**Marissa**

Hey...

They stared at each other silently, both as quiet and nervous as the other.

**Alex**

So how do you feel?

**Marissa**

It's not my best day ever. But the pain isn't much compared to how foolish I feel.

**Alex**

You shouldn't feel like that. You've been through a lot.

**Marissa**

Yeah, and instead of talking about it I almost drink and drug myself to death. Real mature.

Marissa frowned at herself, reaching a tone of indignity as she thought about her actions. She expected Alex to feel the same way, but instead she was just casting a warm look at her. As she did, she patted the space beside her as she moved over a little.

**Alex**

Come sit up here.

It wasn't much of a question, as a request she didn't want denied. Alex reached down, holding out her hand to help the still weakened schoolgirl up onto the hood. Marissa got up there, and settled herself down. She remained quiet as they looked together, before Alex turned her attention to the waters horizon. Marissa did the same, wondering what to do. She just needed to be honest right?

**Marissa**

Thank you for taking care of me last night.

Marissa started, looking back at Alex, even though Alex didn't look at her.

**Alex**

You're welcome.

Marissa sighed, her mind scrambling to come up with something to say. She felt like she needed to get Alex talking a little, so she could ease in her little honesty speech. She needed to get Alex opened up a little bit more, needed that chemistry to start up between them again.

**Marissa**

So erm...what're you doing now? I mean, you were talking to your Mom. Did you go back?

**Alex**

Yeah, sorta. We sorted things out between us. Talked a lot. Things are good now; they accepted me and I forgave them.

**Marissa**

Alex that's great, I'm so happy for you.

She nudged Alex a little, making the blonde smile and look at her again. Marissa really was happy to hear that her ex had managed to sort out her differences with her parents. She knew how much it had hurt Alex, even if she pretended to most people that it didn't bother her. She remembered when Alex had told her about what really happened with her parents, and how she felt about it. One night when they were lying in the darkness together, not being able to sleep. It had seemed like an endless night at the time, but when morning came the girls were a lot closer than they had been the day before. Of course, Alex had sworn Marissa to secrecy. Alex was a very private girl anyway, but she wouldn't have her badass reputation go down on rumours that she missed her parents. That had always made Marissa smile.

**Alex**

Thanks. I still don't live with them though. They got me my own place. It's better like that. We love each other, we just can't live together, you know?

Marissa nodded, looking at Alex, as she remained silent as an encouragement for her to continue. Alex looked at her for a moment, taken back by how much Marissa's eyes were sparkling at her adoringly. Was that really there, or was she just hoping it was?

**Alex**

So, they managed to get me back into school. I'm on permanent probation! But I'm doing pretty good. I worked my ass off to catch up, so I'm graduating on time. And I erm...I applied for college.

Alex ended softly, almost as though she were embarrassed to say it.

**Marissa**

Really? Which one?

**Alex**

UC Berkley.

Marissa bugged her eyes out, overwhelmed with shock at Alex's news.

**Marissa**

Are you serious? They'd take you?

Cringing immediately, she mentally kicked herself for sounding so harsh. Alex only smiled watching Marissa's reaction.

**Marissa**

I didn't mean that like it sounded. I just meant...

**Alex**

I know what you meant. With all the fighting and being expelled, the time I took out. It looks really bad. But my grades are good and I got an interview. I told them exactly what happened. The problems I was having, what I went through. They were actually kind of impressed I was organised enough to live out here on my own. And I told them how hard I was working, and what I wanted to do.

**Marissa**

What do you want to do?

Marissa wondered, at a loss as to why she didn't know what Alex had in mind for her future. Had she really just assumed all this time that Alex was going to be a bartender forever? She didn't care if that was the case, it just confused her why she didn't know if it were true, or whether she had different goals.

Alex just cleared her throat, realising that she was going to part with information that she hadn't discussed with Marissa. Things she had wanted to, but the brunette had never seemed interested in. Now though, the look in her eyes told Alex that she wanted to know everything.

**Alex**

I want to be a Doctor.

**Marissa**

You do? Oh my god. But I mean...you never...

**Alex**

Let on that I was smart enough? I know. I have a serious inclination to science and math, a fact I kept well and truly hidden.

Alex admitted, getting a shocked nod in agreement from Marissa.

**Marissa**

Yeah, I'd say. How come I didn't know any of this stuff?

**Alex**

You never asked.

Marissa looked down at her hands at Alex's sad response, having no defence other than that she was guilty. All that time she had this wonderful girl in her hands, yet she had never really stopped to get to know her. She had just used her, and discarded her because of her insecurities.

**Marissa**

Alex I...

**Alex**

Don't.

Marissa looked up at Alex quickly, becoming upset at the look on Alex's face. The one that looked back at her sadly, with a glisten of water in her eyes. Marissa had only seen Alex cry once, when they had broken up. It was a memory that had welded itself into Marissa's memory, that tortured her over and over again. And here Alex was, showing it to her again, although, desperately fighting for her control.

**Marissa**

What?

**Alex**

Please don't say anything you don't mean. I've spent the last year trying to get over you, and failing miserably. You haven't been the only one taking stupid and dangerous measures to get over pain, okay? I've done...things this year that I probably shouldn't have. And I don't think I could take it if you said something now that you're going to regret later.

Not being able to look at Marissa anymore, Alex looked away back toward the sea. She hated being so fucking vulnerable. She felt pathetic, begging Marissa not to hurt her again. Not getting her back at all would be better than getting her back for her to leave her again. She doubted she could do it all again, and go through what she had been going through since it happened.

Marissa thought for a moment, not sure how to approach Alex. All she wanted to do was hug her and tell her that it would be okay, to finally kiss her again so it could make things right. But that was too much, so instead she went for the simple gesture. One she had made before. She slipped her hand slowly into Alex's, making the blonde look down as they entwined their fingers. Finally, she looked up again at Marissa. Looking as hopeful as she had that night at the concert.

**Marissa**

I'm not about to say anything that I don't mean Alex, so please listen to me.

Still looking at her with tears glistening in her eyes, and a hopeful and astounded gaze, Alex remained silent so Marissa would continue.

**Marissa**

I'm tired of fighting what I feel for you. I'm tired of being scared. I love you, and I don't care who knows it. My world just doesn't work without you in it. And I know it wasn't perfect when we were together, but I was fighting so many things then. I've let them go. And I miss you. So much.

The brunette smiled a little, reaching over with her other hand to brush through some of Alex's hair, caressing her face at the same time.

**Marissa**

I miss your laugh, I miss your eyes. I miss your smell. I miss your really bad singing in the shower! I just miss you, all of the time. I miss sleeping with you...

Marissa giggled, nudging Alex lightly as the blonde gave her a wide-eyed look as she said that last part.

**Marissa**

Not like that! Although...

Marissa squeaked, defending that her thoughts had been pure. Initially, she had only meant it as it sounded. She loved sleeping with Alex. She was so warm, and safe and comforting. Whether she knew it or not, Alex had a massive physical presence, and Marissa had seriously missed that. But now that she thought about it, now Alex had pulled a face at her, she started to get a wave of memories from the various times that they'd had sex. Yes, she definitely missed that too. A wicked little grin plastered itself over her lips as she obviously started thinking about it, making Alex hold up her hand in warning.

**Alex**

Don't you dare spoil that moment.

Marissa smiled, letting the matter go and staying with the reason she had come to find the breathtaking blonde before her.

**Marissa**

I never planned for this to happen. I never expected to fall for you, but I did and I've accepted that. I can't tell you what I am Alex, just that I want you. I always knew it, and I should have said something. I should have stopped you the night that you left. I've spent this entire time regretting that I didn't, and wishing I had the courage to call you. I was so, so scared. But I'm over it. I love you.

Alex felt her breathing quicken at her excitement of finally hearing what she had longed to hear since they started their relationship. All she could do for that moment, was bask as she heard Marissa's words repeat in her mind as she stared at her longingly. Her emotions swirled inside of her stomach, questions starting to penetrate her state of euphoria. She sighed slowly, moving up her hand to cup the side of Marissa's face, brushing her thumb across her skin gently.

**Alex**

What about Ryan? What about your Mom?

Marissa placed her hand on top of Alex's, grinning happily.

**Marissa**

My Mom told me to come out here and hold onto you. She said you proved yourself worthy of me.

**Alex**

Seriously? She said that?

**Marissa**

Yeah. Although I should be the one proving myself worthy of you. And as for Ryan, there isn't anything there. There never has been. We both thought we were something we're not. We were never meant to be together. We both know that now.

**Alex**

Are you sure?

**Marissa**

I've never been as sure as anything in my life.

**Alex**

Wow...

They looked at each other for a moment, letting what was happening sink in. It was a little hard to believe that something they both thought they had lost, was now coming back to them. Neither of them wanted the moment to pass, each quite content to stay there, looking at one another as though they could see right into each other.

They began to lean in toward each other slowly, only being capable of slow, shallow breaths as the anticipation of what was about to happen stole their breath away. There came that feeling again, that feeling of peace. It engulfed them both, telling each of them that this was so right, so natural. As soon as their lips touched again, even as lightly as they did now, that electric charge shot through them both. Their lips were barely grazing each other; the kiss was that soft and fleeting. Both girls just breathing against each other, before letting their mouths make more contact, put on a little more pressure. Eventually, their soft, sweet kisses became stronger, and deeper. Still slow for the moment, as they took their time to explore the feeling and sensations they felt when they kissed. Of course, it didn't stay that way. It was Alex that pushed the kiss up to the next level, searching for permission to enter Marissa's mouth properly and gaining it. Their kisses became something else as their tongues duelled together, exploring every inch of each other. It was like they were trying to devour each other, it had been far too long. After a long while though, they were forced to pull back due to a lack of oxygen.

**Alex**

I love you too. And I should have said it last year, but I was too scared to.

**Marissa**

Well then I guess we were both cowards!

**Alex**

Yeah, we were. I guess we needed to grow up.

Alex leant forward again, having gulped down sufficient air. Marissa accepted her kisses gladly, giving as good as she got. They remained that way for a while, kissing passionately as they entwined their fingers and held onto each others faces or necks. Until once again, they ended up breaking apart, panting for much needed air.

**Marissa**

Alex? I mean...how do we do this? Where do we go from here?

Marissa finally wondered, looking directly as the blonde as they both panted for air. She hadn't thought that far ahead really. But now that this was happening, she couldn't help but wonder how they were supposed to have a relationship when they lived roughly 2 hours apart from one another. She didn't expect Alex to just drop everything and come back here. She had a life back in L.A, but it wasn't as though she could just take off to go up their either.

**Alex**

Honestly? I'm not sure. I have to go home, we have to sit our exams soon. I guess we could see each other at weekends? Talk on the phone or the net?

Alex suggested, lifting Marissa's hand up and brushing her cheek up against it as Marissa sighed.

**Marissa**

It's going to be hard.

**Alex**

Yeah, it is.

**Marissa**

I should tell you something. I applied to Berkeley too.

Alex double took her, she guessed, girlfriend. That was nice to think again, Marissa was her girlfriend. Her whole body gushed with love and excitement, even though she inwardly told herself off for it. Maybe their mistake last time was getting ahead of themselves? She needed to let things happen more naturally this time, like it was now. No super rushing anything, just taking the time to enjoy the relationship. But the fact that Marissa had applied to the same college both surprised her greatly, and made her excited again. If they both got in together, it would make such a huge difference in their lives. They could have a real chance at being together.

**Alex**

You did, seriously?

**Marissa**

Yeah, I did. So I mean, we could end up going to school together.

**Alex**

That would be great!

Ignoring her intentions of playing it more coolly, Alex just practically squealed, something she didn't often do, and flung herself at Marissa happily. She completely forgot about her state of delicacy for a moment, just enjoying having her in her arms and hugging back. It felt so good.

**Marissa**

When do you have to leave?

**Alex**

Pretty much tonight.

Marissa sighed, obviously deflated as Alex pulled back a little bit, not exactly thrilled at the idea of leaving Marissa so quickly either. There was nothing more than she would have loved than to have stayed here with her for longer, but she did have school. They both did. And Alex couldn't afford to take a wrong step if she were going to get into UCB.

**Marissa**

Okay.

**Alex**

But I can call you when I get home. And if you want I can come down at the weekend and pick you up, go back to L.A?

She suggested, knowing that she had miraculously gotten the weekend off next weekend. It could give her and Marissa the time they needed to spend some quality time together and talk, and to really get to know each other. Alex desperately wanted to let Marissa into her life, let her see what she was really like, how she had changed. She had always wanted that. And although she had told Marissa some things about her life already which no one else knew, there was still so much that she had yet to find out about.

**Marissa**

Really? I would love that.

**Alex**

Good.

Alex moved in again, being far too tempted by those lips not to kiss them. A small but cold gust of wind reminded her that it was getting late, and also that Marissa was shivering. Of course she would be, she wasn't really well enough to be out here yet. So Alex pulled back, smiling lovingly.

**Alex**

I should take you home.

Marissa nodded, turning away to start getting off of the jeep. Alex however, reached out and grabbed her arm. Marissa look back, a startled yet concerned expression covering her face at why Alex stopped her suddenly.

**Alex**

Marissa? I don't care if you drink, okay? I mean, I do too. But please, don't drink like that. I'm not gunna be here to take care of you so I'm trusting you to take care of yourself okay? Promise me you will.

Alex pleaded, rushing out what she had to say. She hated the thought of being so far away if Marissa ever got like this again.

**Marissa**

I promise you Alex.

Marissa swore sincerely, having no intentions of ever drinking like that again. She had learnt her lesson at trying to drive herself into vodka induced coma, and had also learnt her lesson about taking drugs. From now on, she knew she had to turn to someone. She was going to stick to the average persons drink limit, like normal people did.

**Alex **

Not that Julie will give you much chance to break it!

Alex laughed, sliding off of her hood before turning around and holding her hands out. Marissa pushed herself down the hood, letting Alex catch her at the sides. They stood there, Marissa pressed up against the front of the jeep with Alex leaning into her lightly.

**Marissa**

Yeah, I have a feeling I'm about to have some serious bonding time with my Mom. But I'm looking forward to it. Maybe we can finally sort things out between us.

**Alex**

I hope so. She's changed a lot since I saw her last.

**Marissa**

That's a seriously good thing! At least she supports us, we don't have to fight or hide anything.

**Alex**

Yeah, I like that too.

Their close proximity caused them to feel the heat emanating from each other, making them draw in for another kiss. Marissa hooked her fingers into the waistband of Alex's jeans, pulling her in even further so her full weight was on her as they continued to devour each other's mouths.

**Alex**

Okay, we should stop before we can't. Plus, you should get some more rest. And something to eat.

Marissa cringed as Alex finally let go of her, backing away all be it reluctantly. Marissa held onto Alex's jeans until she stepped out of reach, and let her arms fall back to her sides as she groaned. Then, she turned around and felt her stomach dip at the mention of food.

**Marissa**

I don't think my stomach could handle solid substance right now.

Alex just gave Marissa one of those looks, the one that told Marissa that she didn't get to argue about it, as they both climbed into the jeep.

**Alex**

Well your stomach doesn't get a say. You really need to eat something, even if you throw it up again. Your body really needs it, even if it's telling you that it doesn't.

**Marissa**

Okay, I'll eat Dr Bossy!

Alex laughed as she pulled the jeep out, turning the wheel around to turn before heading out of the exit and down the road again. She drove steadily down the dark streets, one arm propping her head up as the other held the wheel. A permanent smile etched onto her lips.

Marissa held the same permanent smile, gazing out before snatching glances at Alex. This was how it was supposed to be. Alex was who she was supposed to be with, she knew it. She understood her. They were on the same page. Marissa knew that Alex was strong enough, and deep enough to handle her. She knew because Alex was like her too. They couldn't scare one another; they were up for the challenge.

They travelled in a happy silence, looking at one another all the way back to the trailer where Alex pulled up to. As they got out, they automatically joined hands, walking up the steps and into the trailer where they found Julie flicking through a magazine before she looked up to see them.

**Julie**

Hello girls.

**Marissa**

Hi Mom.

**Alex**

Hi Mrs Cooper.

**Julie**

Call me Julie. I take it things went well?

She wondered hopefully, seeing the stupidly happy looks on their faces as their tightly joined hands. Immediately she noticed the change in both of them. Especially Marissa, considering she knew her far better. It was a relief to see, and Julie hoped that finally Marissa could work her way up to being happy all of the time instead of being moody and miserable all of the time.

**Marissa**

Yeah. Oh my god Mom, guess what? Alex and I both applied to Berkley. How much will that rock if we both get in?

**Julie**

Word!

Julie lifted her hand up in a fist to emphasis her joy, only to get a snigger from Alex and a quick shake of Marissa's head.

**Marissa**

Mom don't say word!

**Julie**

Sorry honey, I guess I should brush up on my lingo. So, would you like to stay for something to eat Alex?

If there was one thing Julie knew how to do, it was bypass an embarrassing moment. Especially when she was the one doing the embarrassing. So quickly, she offered the young, blonde hero to join them for dinner. It seemed like a good subject change, and she actually did want Alex to stay for something to eat.

**Alex**

Actually, I can't. I have to head back to L.A, I have school tomorrow.

**Marissa**

But she's coming back to get me at the weekend, if that's okay?

**Julie**

Yes, that's okay.

Julie smirked, rolling her eyes and sighing out her reply, not being able to resist her daughter when she was so bouncy and overjoyed. She just watched as Marissa squealed in delight, turning to Alex and kissing her eagerly. That was until she remembered her Mother was sat right there, and then pulled away to look at her worriedly, leaving Alex to just look stunned.

**Julie**

Don't mind me. In fact, why don't I go order some take out whilst you say goodbye?

Winking, she lifted herself out of her seat and walked away to order dinner.

**Julie**

Thanks again Alex, and drive home safely.

She said over her shoulder, heading for the bedroom.

**Alex**

I will, thank you.

Julie vanished, and Alex turned back to Marissa.

**Marissa**

I love you.

**Alex**

I love you too.

They inched over towards the door, and Alex opened it but didn't go through it yet. Instead, she turned to Marissa and ran her hand through her hair gently.

**Alex**

Don't forget to make sure you eat. And drink plenty of fluids.

**Marissa**

Don't forget to call me.

Marissa countered, making Alex chuckle lightly.

**Alex**

Okay.

Once again, they shared a tender explorative kiss, not getting into anything too heavy. This one was to express the love that they felt, and leave a lasting memory until next week. Pulling back, Alex smiled in that mysterious way of her, before walking down the stairs of the trailer. Marissa just stood leaning on the door, watching her girlfriend get into her jeep. She smiled as Alex started it, then leant forward and turned on the radio. Music came blasting out, making Marissa laugh. Alex and her damn loud ass music. The blonde only grinned, waving before she started backing out. Marissa waved back, and watched the jeep and the girl she loved drive out of sight. Then, she sighed and turned back inside, shutting the door as Julie walked back into the living room.

**Julie**

So, how was your Valentine's weekend?

Julie asked, making them both laugh.

The End


End file.
